Scott Maxwell, opinion writer for the Orlando Sentinel, has some advice for Florida’s Republican legislators: See “Kinky Boots,” playing in Orlando. The show was a huge hit on Broadway. It won multiple awards. Just promise not to close it down.

To say that Florida’s GOP lawmakers are obsessed with drag queens is like saying Jabba the Hutt has a few extra pounds.

These guys have a preoccupation with cross-dressers that would confound Dr. Ruth.

While the state is plagued with problems ranging from a teacher shortage to skyrocketing insurance rates, GOP lawmakers have assigned anti-drag-queen legislation to, not one, not two, but five different legislative committees.

They’ve spent hours holding hearings, taking testimony and staging debate.

During one two-hour hearing, Brevard County Rep. Randy Fine tried to explain why he wanted to make it a first-degree misdemeanor to admit minors to shows that appeal to, as his bill says, “shameful” interests.

“What is ‘shameful’?” asked a Democratic colleague, wondering if Fine could define the word he wanted to enshrine in Florida statutes as a basis for arresting people.

Fine responded: “Um … um … [Eight seconds of silence] … I think that it again, that is things that are … I dunno … I mean, again, you can look these things up in the dictionary.”

Well said, Representative.

Florida theaters keep watchful eye on Legislature’s drag drama
It’s obvious drag queens fluster some of these folks. But instead of trying to rewrite state statutes in ways even they struggle to explain, I have a suggestion: Take a field trip.

Come see the Orlando Shakes’ latest production, “Kinky Boots.”
It’s a funny, heart-warming and family-friendly show that won Tony awards when it debuted on Broadway.

It features oodles of the drag queens you’re so interested in. But it also features characters who, like you guys, claim to be offended by drag queens — but who come to understand that, just because someone is different from you, it doesn’t make them bad.

That’s a lesson many of us learned in kindergarten or from Mr. Rogers. Well, think of “Kinky Boots” as kindergarten with a rock soundtrack. Or Mr. Rogers in bright red, 6-inch heels.

Now, if you do come see the show, you have to promise something: You won’t try to censor it or shut it down.

I don’t think anyone anywhere ever has. “Kinky Boots,” after all, is well-known and family friendly with songs by Cyndi Lauper. “The Book of Mormon” is way more raunchy.

But we know how some of you like to ban things that espouse ideas you dislike — books, history lessons, corporate diversity classes — here in the “Free State of Florida.”

More troubling, we’ve already seen you target another one of Orlando’s cultural gems, the Orlando Philharmonic, after its foundation let drag queens rent out its theater for a raunchier show.

Gov. Ron DeSantis objected to alleged lewdness in front of kids. And even though undercover state agents reported “… agents did not witness any lewd acts …” in Orlando, DeSantis’ business-regulation division is still trying to yank the nonprofit theater’s liquor license.

So if you come see “Kinky Boots,” you have to promise to just sit and listen.

There, you’ll not only be able to see men dressed as women, you might benefit from the messages in this award-winning Broadway musical.
It’s the tale of a shoe-making company in England that falls upon hard times and discovers a path to financial success by making footwear for a niche market — drag queens. (Capitalism!)

It’s also about how some of the factory-workers who mocked and teased the drag queens didn’t really understand what they were mocking.

My wife and I saw the two-hour show Thursday night in a packed theater that gave a standing ovation to the hard-working professional actors. I promise it’s more entertaining than the two-hour legislative hearing.

In that hearing, Fine told members his concern was children. His bill would assess fines and charges against venues and individuals who admit minors to a show that “Predominantly appeals to a prurient, shameful, or morbid interest” and “Is patently offensive to prevailing standards in the adult community of this state as a whole …”
“Clear as mud,” one Democrat responded.
Democratic lawmakers also wondered why Fine only wanted to crack down on “live” performances — and not movies that show hardcore sex and gory violence, which parents can take their kids to see in Florida.
Fine knew he had no good response to that. So he suggested legislators could add criminal penalties for movie theaters, too. But, of course, they haven’t. It’s just the drag queens that have them so … interested.
At one point, Pasco County Republican Rep. Kevin Steele said he wouldn’t take his kids to a drag show before adding: “Obviously, that’s a personal choice.”

It was a bizarre thing to say, considering Steele supported the bill that would outlaw precisely that — the parental right to make that choice.
I obviously don’t think children should see anything pornographic. But this bill goes way beyond that, trying to impose nebulous, overly broad, opinion-based standards and only focuses on live performances.
“This isn’t a clinic on Constitutional Law,” Fine said. Boy, was that the truth.

There are many issues more worthy of lawmakers’ time. If these politicians truly cared about children and families, for example, they’d focus on ending the decade-long wait faced by thousands of children with disabilities who are desperate for help.

Instead, they’re planning more hearings, meetings and votes on HB 1423, the so-called “Protection of Children” act — the drag-queen bill.

So if these politicians are going to bypass addressing the truly pressing problems facing the state, they might as well enjoy a quality production that features some of the very performers they’re so obviously obsessed with.

And maybe learn something in the process.

smaxwell@orlandosentinel.com