Archives for category: Humor

Since today is April Fools Day, I had to dig to find something humorous. It wouldn’t be about education, because there’s nothing funny about a billionaire wrestling entrepreneur leading the charge to close the U.S. Department of Education. It wouldn’t be about politics, because there’s nothing funny about a befuddled, doddering old man pretending to be Mussolini.

But then I landed on this article in The New York Daily News about what might be the greatest hoax in sports history. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but it’s pretty funny to think of the people who spent hours pulling off this stunt.

The article was written by Jay Horowitz, the media director for the New York Mets.

He wrote:

I have been honored to be part of the Mets organization for 46 years now. Over that time, I have been associated with some pretty great events. One thing I am extremely proud of is to have played a small role in perhaps the greatest sports hoax in the history of baseball, or for that matter in the history of all sports.

The hoax, prank or joke, whatever you want to call it came to life 40 years ago in the April 1, 1985 Sports Illustrated cover story. The story was titled “The Curious Case of Sidd Finch” written by the renowned sportswriter, George Plimpton. According to the article, Sidd was a rookie pitcher training with us in St. Petersburg after being discovered in Old Orchard Beach, Maine. He also wore one shoe, a heavy hiker’s boot, when pitching.

Sidd was raised in an English orphanage, learned yoga in Tibet, and by the way could throw a fastball 168 mph. As an aside, he also played the French horn.

It was like a bombshell when the story hit. For a period of three or four days, the entire baseball world brought our subplot. It had to be true because it was in SI and it had to be true because the great George Plimpton wrote it. George was also the co-founder of the Paris Review and he would never lie.

In fact the entire story was completely made up by George. It was right there in front of everybody but no one picked it up right away. The subhead of the article read:

“He’s a pitcher, part yogi, and part recluse. Impressively liberated from our opulent life-style, Sidd’s deciding about yoga and his future in baseball.”

The first letters of these words spell out “Happy April Fools Day — a(h) fib.”

Joe Berton, who posed as Sidd Finch in a 1985 Sports Illustrated hoax, reenacts his famous shot outside Oak Park High School in Illinois on Friday, March 25, 2011. (Brian Cassella / Chicago Tribune)
Joe Berton, who posed as Sidd Finch in a 1985 Sports Illustrated hoax, reenacts his famous shot outside Oak Park High School in Illinois on Friday, March 25, 2011. (Brian Cassella / Chicago Tribune)

Let me take you back to how this all started. It was late February 1985 and I had just settled in to my spring training office in St Petersburg. I got a call from our general manager, the late Frank Cashen, who asked me to come see him.

I walked over to meet him and was joined by Jean Coen, Frank’s administrative assistant. Frank asked me if I had a sense of humor and I laughed yes. Frank told me he had just gotten a call from his friend Mark Mulvoy, who was the managing editor of SI. Mark had asked Plimpton to come up with an April 1 story and when he couldn’t find something to his liking he made up one of his own, our buddy Sidd.

Frank wanted to know if I could help sell it. I said by all means. Working with human interest stories was in my bones. For eight years at Fairleigh Dickinson University as the SID, I sold story ideas on a one-armed soccer player, a priest who played hockey, a 43-year-old freshman football player and a 5-4 second baseman who was hit by a pitch 128 times in his career.

This was right up my alley

We didn’t let too many Mets people know what the plan was. Of course, Davey Johnson was in the loop and Mel Stottlemyre was my go-to guy. In mid March, I met Lane Stewart, the photographer for SI at our Huggins Stengel Fieldhouse. We sent up photo ops for the story. We gave Sidd a locker, his number was 21, between Darryl Strawberry and George Foster. Sidd went down to the beach to play his French horn.

I spoke to Straw the other day and he remembered Sidd with a smile. “I remember thinking how could a guy who looked like that throw that hard.”

Kevin Mitchell, a rookie back then recalled interacting with Sidd and found him to be a fun guy with a great sense of humor.

Dwight Gooden, who was the rookie of the year in 1984, thought the hoax was real at first.

”I knew a little, but not too much,” said Gooden, “and it wasn’t until the third day I found out it was a prank.”

Mets public relations executive Jay Horwitz
Jay Horwitz

Lane took photos of Sidd with all the guys  I went to some of our younger players — Dave Cohcrane, Ronn Reynolds, John Christensen and Lenny Dykstra — and asked for their help. I told them we had this young phenom coming in that we needed their help.

I didn’t spill all the beans, I just told them we had this youngster who you wouldn’t believe.

We erected a huge closed tarp on the field where Sidd was to throw BP. All the kids bought in and were great in the photos.

April 1 was a Sunday and the story started to surface a few days before. We held a mock press conference with Reynolds, a catcher. We burnt a hole in his glove and said this was from Sidd’s 104-mph curve. Christensen and Cochrane said they never saw somebody throw as hard. Dykstra was in awe.

The one who sold it the best was Mel. He had such credibility because of his great Yankee career. There is no doubt in my mind people believed it because Mel was involved.

The writers would ask how would Sidd fit into the rotation. Mel said we will just have to wait and see. We have to find a place for him because he is such a talent.

Plimpton kept it going, too. He made himself unavailable to the media which added to the mystique.

When the story hit the newsstand, my phone rang off the hook. I had a nasty conversation with a sports editor of a New York paper and he asked how could I have given the story to SI when his paper was there every day. I remained calm and asked how would he feel if he got the scoop and I gave it to SI. He was not amused.

My beat guys were not too happy with me either. They felt I had played favorites.

Two baseball owners called the editor of SI wanting to know if the story was true. The late Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan also called Sports Illustrated and wanted to know the truth. The sports editor of Life Magazine was really upset, too!

One of our coaches who moved on to another team called me in disbelief and said no one from his new club had ever heard of Sidd. I just laughed again.

I have to give a shout out to Bobby Schaeffer, who was the manger of our Triple-A team at Tidewater. He made  a scouting report on Sidd and called him a great prospect.

Slowly but surely the truth began to seep out. On April 7 at Al Lang Stadium we held a press conference that Sidd had moved on from baseball and was moving on to golf. Sidd, who was really Joe Berton, a junior high school teacher from Chicago, came back for the occasion. Joe was recruited by Lane and they were close friends.

Joe was a big Cubs fan at the time and he has remained tight with Lane. He never thought this would be as big as it turned out. He asked me to give him his name plate so so he could remember his time as a Met.

I have kept in touch with Lane, too. He said the people at SI never expected it to be this big that we would be still be talking about Sidd 40 years later. He said the magazine was never trying to fool anybody, just have fun.

The New York Mets' bobblehead of Sidd Finch. (New York Mets)
The New York Mets’ bobblehead of Sidd Finch. (New York Mets)

Its been 40 years and Ron Darling still remembers with fondness the spring he spent with Sidd (I mean Joe in St. Petersburg).

“That was my first introduction to a New York media experience,” said Ron. “It was wonderful. I loved when Joe walked around talking to the guys. I am a big reader and I was thrilled to be a part of something that George Plimpton was associated with in some capacity. I didn’t know everything that was going on but I knew the premise was a hoax.

“When I got back to NYC that year all my friends wanted to talk about Sidd. It was an experience I never will forget.”

Jay Horwitz started his Mets PR career 45 years ago on April Fools’ Day, 1980. One of his major accomplishments is helping spread the Sidd Finch story, perhaps the No. 1 hoax in sports history.

Jeff Tiedrich writes one of the funniest blogs I’ve seen. He uses the F word liberally, and as you know, that is a no-no here. This one made me laugh so much that I decided to share it with you. With a few words clipped. This is not the entirety of his column. Open the link.

He writes:

when world leaders meet, do you think they draw straws, and the loser has to go to the White House to do a press conference with Donny Convict?

at this point there’s no other logical reason why someone with a country to run would step onto an airplane and fly halfway around the world to sit next to a halfwit.

what’s the upside? best case scenario, you’re stuck there with a fake smile plastered on your face as Commander Crazypants blithers incoherently, and you get to go home without sparking a major international incident. worst case, you end up like Zelensky, tag-teamed by Donny and some shithead who f—s furniture.

the thing is, you never know what you’re getting yourself into — and yesterday was Irish Prime Minister Micheál Martin’s turn to play Batshit Bingo.

hey, here’s a little-known fun fact: did you know that the Article II powers of the US Constitution confer upon a president the ability to decide who gets to be a Jew? 

I shit you not.

Schumer is a Palestinian as far as I’m concerned. he’s become a Palestinian. He used to be Jewish. he’s not Jewish anymore. he’s a Palestinian.”

oh, how charming. with the implication that there’s something terrible about being a Palestinian, Donny manages to be both antisemitic and bigoted at the same time. talk about efficiency in government! 

at this point, Prime Minister Martin must be eyeing the exits and reassessing every life choice that brought him to this moment.

well, hold onto your hat, Micheál — it gets batshittier.

“everything is transgender. everybody is transgender. that’s all you hear about.”

f…king hell, not this evil bullshit again. Donny’s got transgender on the brain. was there even a context for this? how does transgender come up in conversation with the leader of Ireland? ‘hey Micheál, was St. Patrick trans?’

no, everyone isn’t transgender. less than one percent of the population identifies as trans. it’s a rounding error away from zero. the only reason that it’s “all you hear about” is that Donny and the Republicans never shut the f..k up about it.

enough with this imaginary moral panic. look how upside f..king down our world has become: last week, cops in Phoenix followed some woman into a Walmart bathroom for the unspeakable crime of not appearing adequately feminine.

I’ll bet PM Martin never imagined he’d be sitting next to a madman and listening to him whine about Barack Obama.

“Obama was a disaster. you know, they have with Obama, he gave them sheets. and I gave them anti-tank missiles. you know that, right? it’s called javelin. you know the javelin? I’m the one that gave them the javelins. people don’t say that. and then they say, ‘oh, Trump has a great relationship with Russia.” I’m the one that gave them the javelins. Obama gave them sheets. it’s an expression. he gave sheets, I gave javelins.”

sheets? what on God’s green earth is Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants on about with Obama and sheets?

this: “Obama gave sheets” is a fever-swamp hallucination that Donny has been yammering about for literal years. to hear Donny tell it, the sum total of Obama’s foreign aid to Ukraine was a pile of tatty old bed linens. of course, it’s a delusional, but what else is new?

and by the way, Donny gave javelin missiles to Ukraine after he got impeached for trying to extort Zelensky by withholding them. weird how Donny always leaves that part of the story out.

but Donny remains obsessed with Obama. how ironic is it that he and his tyrant Klansman father were fined by the federal government for refusing to rent their apartments to black people, and now Barack Obama gets to live rent-free in Donny’s head?

Recently, Vice President JD Vance and his wife Usha attended a concert at the Kennedy Center in D.C. When they sat down in their box seats overlooking the audience, they were loudly booed by the audience.

The audience was doubtless reacting to Trump’s takeover of the Kennedy Center, purging its leaders and replacing every Democrat on the bipartisan Board with a Republican. He named himself as chairman of the Board, thus ensuring that no artist would dare to insult him as others had done in the past. Trump complained about “woke” performances, but admitted he never attended the Kennedy Center. Several artists cancelled their performances, as did the celebrated multiracial Broadway show “Hamilton.”

Trump’s hand-picked acting Director of the Kennedy Center is Richard Grennell, who has no experience in the arts but served as Trump’s Ambassador to Germany.

When Grennell heard that VP Vance had been loudly booed, he issued a statement on Twitter.

The New York Times wrote:

Richard Grenell, whom Mr. Trump named as the center’s new president, posted on social media on Friday morning that the video showing Mr. Vance being booed “should challenge us all to commit to making the Kennedy Center a place where everyone is welcomed.”

“It troubles me to see that so many in the audience appear to be white and intolerant of diverse political views,” he wrote. “Diversity is our strength. We must do better. We must welcome EVERYONE. We will not allow the Kennedy Center to be an intolerant place.”

The Washington Post reported that Grennell sent an email to the Kennedy Center staff:

On Friday morning, Richard Grenell, an ally of President Donald Trump made interim president of the Kennedy Center by Trump’s new board of trustees, sent an email to the center’s staff, reviewed by The Washington Post, stating that he “received several messages from Kennedy Center staffers sharing their embarrassment over more than a few Symphony patrons loudly booing the Vice President and his wife last night.”

“As the premier Arts organization in the United States of America, we must work to make the Kennedy Center a place where everyone is welcomed,” Grenell wrote. “We clearly have work to do. And I hear your outrage.”

He cited the center’s diversity as a strength. “As President, I take diversity and inclusion very seriously,” he wrote. “I have met with many of you, and I love that we are Christian, Muslim, Jewish, agnostic, gay, straight, black, white, Hispanic and absolutely different.

WHAT?

Doesn’t he know that Trump banned “diversity” and “inclusion”?

Doesn’t he know that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth removed all literature that said “Diversity is our strength”?

Why was Gremnell complaining about an audience in which “so many…appear to be white”? Many Black performers have cancelled their appearances at the Kennedy Center because of Trump’s unprecedented takeover and his harsh attacks on diversity and inclusion.

Reading this was a laugh-out-loud moment.

The Department of Education asked for tips about schools that continued to promote DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion), and trolls jammed the inbox.

LGBT Nation had the story.

The right-wing anti-LGBTQ+ hate group Moms for Liberty (M4L) decided to team up with the Trump Administration to create a website “snitch line” allowing people to report K-12 schools that have DEI practices and programs. Shortly after its launch, it was flooded by spam messages designed to waste investigators’ time.

Last Thursday, the Trump Administration announced it would partner with M4L to launch EndDEI.ed.gov, allowing visitors to submit a form to report any “divisive ideologies and indoctrination” within K-12 schools. The press announcement about the website’s launch called school DEI initiatives “illegal discriminatory practices at institutions of learning.”

Critics touted the website as a snitch line, with Professor Michael Mann of the University of Pennsylvania commenting on Bluesky, “I believe Hitler had a program like this…”

The website’s form allows people to submit their email address, the name of the school or school district they want to report, and its ZIP code. It also includes a text entry field enabling people to describe what they’re reporting in less than 450 words, and also a file uploader for images less than 10 MB.

Anyone who has been on the internet long enough could guess how this turned out. It did not take long for people to begin spamming the submission form with memes and other messages ridiculing the government.

One social media user made reports about the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the fictional school of magic featured in the Harry Potter children’s book series.

Ruthanna Emrys@r-emrys.bsky.social

I reported Hogwarts, Florida extension, for letting in muggles, and Prof. Rowling for being an all-around terrible person. Seems only fair. Note they don’t verify email addresses, so you can use Draco’s. Hypothetically.

Ian Coldwater 📦💥@lookitup.baby

The U.S. government has put up a submission form for reporting schools who teach kids about “DEI.” It accepts file uploads. Internet, you know what to do enddei.ed.govenddei.ed.govDepartment of Education FormLockFeb 28, 2025 at 12:02 PM

One social media user said they disguised a plotline from an X-Men movie as a genuine report. X-Men is a science-fiction comic book superhero series set at Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. Its storylines often involve children being kidnapped or sent on dangerous adventures….

Another suggested reporting Elon Musk — the transphobic South African billionaire who has overseen the destruction of federal agencies under Trump — and calling Musk a “DEI hire.” Others suggested using the White House’s ZIP code to report infractions….

One Bluesky user found a major error in the form. Because it counts words instead of characters for its 450-word limit, anyone can override the word limit by avoiding using spaces. As such, one could send entire movie scripts or fan fiction as long as it was condensed into one extremely long word….

Another suggested that they would use this workaround to submit the entire text of My Immortal, a Harry Potter-based fan fiction that was published in serial format between 2006 and 2007….

People also made use of the file upload option in various ways.

Some suggested using the file upload option for more malicious practices, including sending zip bombs, distributed denial-of-service (DDoS) attacks, and other malicious cyber crimes meant to overwhelm computer systems and disable their processing ability. 

Of course, the submission of any malicious files on a gov website could be viewed as an attempted cyber attack with serious legal consequences. Other social media users urged individuals outside the U.S. to use a virtual private network (VPN) when submitting a report to help falsely alter their computer’s geo-location data, making their submissions appear more authentic….

PinkNews reported that the “snitch line” website” had shut down. However, it remained online as of the morning of Tuesday, March 4.

Saturday Night Live opened its show last night with a hilarious parody of the cringeworthy meeting where Trump and Vance berated Zelensky for not being sufficiently deferential.

The high point of the skit was the surprise appearance of Elon Musk, looking and acting deranged, along with his “Big Balls” helper.

Ann Telnaes resigned as editorial cartoonist for The Washington Post after her editor spiked a cartoon she had drawn that showed surrounded by fawning billionaires offering him wads of cash. One of them was Jeff Bezos, owner of The Washington Post. Her cartoon appeared on her Substack blog, Open Windows.

While Trump continues his revenge tour, Musk thinks he’s in charge

John Manley was a deputy prime minister and minister of finance in Jean Chrétien’s government in Canada.

He loves Trump’s idea of uniting Canada and the United States. Democrats should love it too. Republicans would never again win the presidency!

I am so excited about this, Mr. Trump – I can already see the 60 little maple leaves on the flag with 13 stripes!”

His article appeared in The Globe & Mail, a major newspaper in Canada.

Dear Donald Trump,

My mentor and former boss, prime minister Jean Chrétien, has dismissed your suggestion that Canada and the U.S. merge.

Don’t despair. My point of view differs somewhat from his (sorry, Boss). I think we may be able to make this work if Canadians fully understand your proposal.

Imagine what the “United States of Canada” could be. We would marry American ingenuity and entrepreneurship to Canada’s natural resources, underdog toughness and culture of self-effacing politeness to create a powerful, world-dominating country.

We would be the largest land mass in the world. We would be self-reliant in every respect (food, energy, minerals, water). We would attract the world’s most talented people. We would truly be “the best country in the world,” to use Mr. Chrétien’s words, and would dominate international hockey competitions. Your idea is truly brilliant.

As you know from your corporate experience, for any successful merger, the devil is in the details, but I have some suggestions.

First, Canada could never simply be the 51st state. Canada consists of 10 states (we call them “provinces”) and three territories. Each of our provinces exists for historical reasons and citizens feel a deep loyalty to their province.

So we would need to be the 51st to 60th states. With two senators for each state, of course. Our 20 senators will no doubt bring fresh ideas to the institution that will help make the United States of Canada truly great!

Some issues that cause division and frustration in your country are considered settled by political parties of all stripes in Canada, so I suggest adopting Canadian consensus in the interest of making this deal work.

For example, there is no argument in Canada over women’s reproductive rights. There! That hot-button issue is resolved for you! (You can thank me later.)

All Canadian politicians support our single-payer health care system because no one is refused treatment for their inability to pay and no one goes broke because they suffer a catastrophic illness. In effect, all of our citizens have lifetime critical illness insurance provided by the government. And while it’s expensive, our system costs considerably less than yours, with 100 per cent of the population covered! Your citizens will love it, I promise.

I would also observe that Canadians have long preferred to live with many fewer firearms than are tolerated in the United States. The result is a drastically lower rate of deaths and injuries caused by gun violence in Canada. Our gun laws would make the country safer than it is, and safer is definitely greater!

We have some other innovations that you may wish to consider. Our Canada Pension Plan, equivalent to your Social Security, is fully funded and actuarially sound. This requires higher contributions, but it pays off with solvency. I believe your Social Security runs out of money in the near future. (That’s not great, is it?)

Lower personal income taxes paid in the U.S. are a great attraction. But our programs to support both seniors and young families to reduce the worst cases of poverty among them help make society more cohesive and fair. That’s one of the reasons our taxes have been higher.

Oh, and we must consider how we fund government expenses. We’re struggling to bring our deficit back down, but it wasn’t that long ago (2015) that our budget was effectively balanced. In fact, for more than a decade prior to the global financial crisis, Canada ran surplus budgets. In addition to spending discipline, our national value-added tax, the GST, was key. You definitely want to adopt that! In fact, you will love it! (Canadians don’t love it, but their governments do. And it beats borrowing money from the Chinese.)

There are many smaller details that I am sure we can work out. You will enjoy the simplicity of the metric system for weights and measures, for example. Oh, but we’re not crazy, you can keep yards for football! And you will love that sport even more when you play it on a bigger field with only three downs.

I am so excited about this, Mr. Trump. You are truly a visionary leader to have come up with this idea. I can already see the 60 little maple leaves on the flag with 13 stripes! I am ready to throw myself into this great project of making the United States of Canada great again! (Oh, that’s too long. Let’s just call our new country “Canada.”)

Respectfully, as I dislodge my tongue from my cheek,

John Manley

Andy Borowitz is one of our very best political humorists.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—District of Columbia officials confirmed on Tuesday that they are constructing a fence around a federal government building to keep a sexual predator 500 feet away from the public.

With a Monday deadline for completion of the barrier fast approaching, the calls to “build the wall” have only grown louder.

“Once we got official word last week that the felon in question would not be going to prison, we immediately got to work on the fence,” D.C. spokesman Harland Dorrinson said. “We’re doing everything we can to keep people safe.”

D.C. residents praised the decision to build the fence, but warned that one is still needed around the Supreme Court.

Andy Borowitz is a humorist of the highest order. He used to write for The New Yorker, now he has a blog at Substack.

Here is his list of what to watch tomorrow instead of the inauguration of you-know-who.

He invites you to submit your ideas.

I suggest not only films, but activities.

Take a long walk unless you are in a state hit by the Arctic freeze.

Read a good book. Fahrenheit 451? 1984? Brave New World? The Handmaid’s Tale?

Listen to music that soothes your soul.

Go to the zoo.

Do something kind for others because kindness will be in short supply for the next four years..

What else?

I’m posting this latest missive from Jeff Tiedrich because it made me laugh out loud. I once again apologize for his generous use of words I don’t allow on this site. But he uses the F word to make you laugh and to emphasize his point. The next four years will give him plenty to work with. I subscribe to his blog. You should consider doing so.

He writes:

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.


monday: who would Jesus infect 

it’s been a hot minute, so let’s check in on America’s new christofascist overlords. here’s newly-elected Indiana Attorney General Todd Rokita

“with your help, together, we will make Indiana a truly free state … where we can raise our children as God intended, without interference by woke schools, doctors or courts … where we are no longer vaxxed or masked.”

sure, absolutely. it’s a well-known fact that Jesus was all about spreading preventable diseases. it’s right there in the Sermon on the Mount: blessed are the science-deniers, for they will choke to death on their own infectious mucus.

I’m no scholar, but I’m pretty sure that there’s nothing in the Bible about vaccinations — but as long as we’re going to adhere to “God’s intentions,” here’s one he’s pretty specific about.

if you wear linen and wool at the same time, you should be fucking slaughtered.

Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.

that’s good old Leviticus 19:19. now here’s Leviticus 19:27.

Ye shall not round off the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.

what do you have to say for yourself, Todd, you infidel? because it looks to me like you’re definitely marring the corners of thy beard.

that’s what I love about these cristofascist hypocrites. they cherry-pick the Bible to prove whatever oppressive notion they want to inflict on the rest of us — but when it comes to actually adhering to the laws that are right there in the Bible, it’s fucking crickets.


tuesday: hly fcking sht, lern hw to fcking spel

Tuesday was Pete Hegseth’s confirmation hearing, and Senate Republicans brought all the props out in support of his candidacy — because nothing says I’m a serious legislator whose issues should be taken seriously more thanmisspelling the word military.

in their own defense, Senate Republicans had been out all night getting hammered with Piss-Drunk Pete, and were too hung over the next morning to notice. 


wednesday: I download Supreme Court decisions for the idiocy

during oral arguments regarding a Texas law requiring age verification in order to access porn sites, Fishin’ Trip Sammy Alito raised a cogent question.

“Justice Alito is asking if websites like Pornhub have ‘essays, modern day Gore Vidal, stuff like that’ like the old Playboy.”

um, who wants to tell him?

I suppose on the one hand, it’s admirable that Steal Stoppin’ Sammy should be so ignorant of the online porn experience that he’d ask such a ludicrous question — but on the other hand: why the fuck are ancient white men allowed to rule on technologies they’re too out-of-touch to understand?

remember the old “the internet is a series of tubes” meme? here’s where it came from: an old white man who had no clue what he was gibbering about.

back in 2006, Alaska Senator Ted Stevens was railing against streaming services. he wanted to shut them down. he was convinced they were going to break the internet — because, as he explained it, the internet is “a series of tubes.” here is exactly what Senator Stevens said.

“And again, the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It’s not a big truck. It’s a series of tubes. And if you don’t understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it’s going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.”

these people should not be setting policy affecting millions of Americans. they should be enjoying a nice, hot cup of shut the fuck up in a managed care facility.

oh, and for the record, “I download porn for the articles” is a joke I made twelve years ago

you’re welcome.


thursday: mirth of an abomination 

oh frabjous day, the toxic incels are at it again.

pro tip: posting shit like this is proof you’ve failed as a human being.

also, can you fucking idiots get your stories straight?

just two weeks ago, the Space Nazi was extolling the virtues of c-sections — promising that if women would opt out of giving birth the old-fashioned way, all of us could have brains as big as his.

“There are certainly other factors at play, but heavy use of c-sections allows for a larger brain, as brain size has historically been limited by birth canal diameter.”

so which is it, incels?


friday: stand back, Rand Paul’s about to say something stupid 

while writing these daily posts, there’s a line find myself I using over and over: “it’s so easy to solve all the world’s problems when you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.” the reason I keep repeating it, is because Republicans keep proving it’s true.

here’s failed wig model Rand Paul, explaining how he knows more about water management than all the water managers

“I see these homes burning and I’m like wow, if they just had a generator and a hose, you start sucking the water out of the The Pacific Ocean. but you can do more than that. you can pump it and put it in cisterns up in the hills a mile or two in. why don’t they take the ocean water and put it in cisterns have a bunch of water ready when a wildfire shows up? once again, bad local government.”

hey everybody, Rand Paul just invented reservoirs. that’s some Nobel Prizewinning stuff right there.

this fucking arrogant asshole, lecturing Los Angeles on why don’t you just have reservoirs? 

you nincompoop, Los Angeles has reservoirs. plenty of them. and they were all full when the fires started. that’s not the issue. Rand Paul is conveniently forgetting about the part where LA was dealing with literal hurricanes made out of fire that were too massive and fast-moving to control or contain — by any fire department, anywhere.

talking out of your ass from the floor of the Senate is easy. actually dealing with problems is hard — and Republicans are proving it every day.


saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

everyone is entitled to my own opinion is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.


do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!