Last night I watched the first segment of the CNN special on “Cancer: The Emperor of Maladies.” It was very well done. Most of the program was about childhood leukemia. It brought back many sad memories. Our Steven, a beautiful child age 2, died in 1966 of leukemia after six terrible months of suffering, in and out of the hospital. We thought he had the best of care. We prayed for a miracle that never happened.
The program interviewed the first child to survive. She was about 12 when she was diagnosed. The doctors in Boston gave her a “cocktail” of four drugs. She is now middle-aged. Her treatment started in 1964. When I heard the date, it broke my heart.
Diane Ravitch's blog 
So, so sorry, Diane.
So very sorry to hear this. How is Asher these days? He is your most recent blessing.
Ellen, my four grandsons are precious. I took number #3 to Philadelphia last weekend–he is 8–and he loved everything he saw and took notes. He told me he has been learning in school how to take bubble tests. He said if you don’t get the bubble just right your answer is treated as wrong. He said, wisely, “This is not a good way to find out what I know.”
Aren’t genetics wonderful? He has gramma’s smarts.
i am so very sorry for your loss, diane…. and i understand – first hand, from experience – the unfairness of the systems in play….
Diane
I can feel your sadness…you’re blessed with your kids and grandchildren
Sent from my iPad
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Love to you and your sweet Steven.
Dear Diane, my heart hurts for you.
Dear Diane, Your mail made me sad as well, I am so sorry. I know of leukemia and that’s is why I feel more empathy towards you! In 1967 my oldest brother died of leukemia, after 7 long months of fighting and fighting!! I was 13 at the time, and he was 24!!! As you did I prayed and prayed, I even wrote to the Pope (he answered back). My brother died the same day of his second wedding anniversary. I remember every single detail, as you do. Memories, close relatives and friends, and empathies help!! Warm regards,Eduardo De: Diane Ravitch’s blog Para: eandereitam@yahoo.com.mx Enviado: Martes, 31 de marzo, 2015 22:26:56 Asunto: [New post] A Personal and Sad Reflection #yiv7613481648 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv7613481648 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv7613481648 a.yiv7613481648primaryactionlink:link, #yiv7613481648 a.yiv7613481648primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv7613481648 a.yiv7613481648primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv7613481648 a.yiv7613481648primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv7613481648 WordPress.com | dianeravitch posted: “Last night I watched the first segment of the CNN special on “Cancer: The Emperor of Maladies.” It was very well done. Most of the program was about childhood leukemia. It brought back many sad memories. Our Steven, a beautiful child age 2, died in 1966 o” | |
I’m so sorry, Ms. Ravitch. When I read your posts on education policy, it’s easy to imagine you as made of iron. This post reveals a side that is different, but also connected to that. Thank you.
I’m sorry for your loss. Thinking that your loss might be avoided one day for others, you might find this interesting that appeared on 60 Minutes last Sunday. This might be a dramatic breakthrough for some of the deadliest cancers. It looks promising.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/polio-cancer-treatment-duke-university-60-minutes-scott-pelley/
Lloyd, I am so happy that most children now survive this terrible scourge.
Me too, and I want all of them to be saved even from growing up in poverty.
My mom died of cancer at 56; I was about 17. I was numb from it for about 12 years before I finally accepted it.
I am sorry for your loss, Diane. It is very difficult for a parent to lose a child because the former expects the latter to outlive them.
Please know you have tremendous support here. The world has made large strides in detecting, controlling and curing many forms of cancer.
Novelist Ann Rice lost a child to leukemia, which motivated her to use the theme of immortality in her books.
I believe your son’s spirit lives on in you, which is why you are such a powerful advocate for children and families. The spiritual paths are not coincidental.
Big hug to you, Diane. There is a fortress of love enveloping you here in the living room of your blog . . . .
I miss my mother, who was a staunch proponent of the virtues of education; I am a product of her values.
Humans, especially mothers, are amazing in our moving parts. So much joy can layer on top of that unspeakable sorrow, and yet the pain continues to exist in its own dimension, always present in our hearts. Mine goes out to you.
But, no. Most children don’t survive childhood leukemia. “In contrast, in the developing world, cure rates are less than 35 percent …”
http://www.uptodate.com/contents/overview-of-the-outcome-of-acute-lymphoblastic-leukemia-in-children-and-adolescents
All the mothers, all over the world, feel that agony as intensely as we in the US did our losses. I think we who have lost children know each other’s hearts as well as we do our own, and this has always bound humanity together in the search for peace, justice, and reconciliation.
Lloyd Lofthouse: I too am sorry for your loss along with everyone who has posted comments including my one here. I miss my family so much and was only in my mid twenties when I lost both parents to cancer at 48 years of age. My Mom found out she had lung inoperable lung cancer 4 mos after my Dad passed and it spread to her brain. This is why I fight so very hard for children today. I had such good teachers who are still friends today as I am in my 50s. They worked with my parents and were all on the same wave length of mentoring, teaching, and just loving all of of us. Take care all and Thanks for helping our teachers and kids. Ginny Antrim. Des Moines Ia
So sorry. I know how that loss never goes away. But I also know how those we get to keep can provide us with heart-warming love and joy. And my sincere thanks for the wonderful help you give to so many other people’s children. Be well, Diane.
I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. With the many miracles the field of medicine has brought us, I hope that cancers of all types will someday be eradicated. May that day come very soon.
I’m so sorry.
Your loss is so profound and sad. But thank you for sharing with this community. Peace.
The ache never goes away. We belong to a club of which no one wants to be a member. My thoughts are with you, Diane.
I too have been watching this program as a school mate of my mom’s growing up became a major cancer researcher whose research led to starving cancerous tumors from their blood supply.
So many of us know close family and friends who have succumbed to cancer and wonder about whether a treatment was out there at the time of the loved one’s illness and what could have been. I could not imagine how it would be to have this happen to one’s child!
And then I think of one of the saddest stories of one of my former students. On 9-11 a young boy in first grade lost his surrogate dad to the plane that crashed in Shanksville, PA (it was his dad’s best friend who promised this boy he would watch over him like a son… always). You see this boy’s father had died of brain cancer the year before weeks before he entered kindergarten. And now, there are so many uplifting developments in brain cancer research. What might have been… but good that hope for those who presently suffer now exists even greater .
Our hearts beat and ache for our children so much more – hard to put into words.
This love for children keeps us going to fight for all children.
Diane, thank you for your endless dedication, a deep love for children and a strong sense of what this world should and must offer them.
Thank you
Leukemia is awful. My dad died of Leukemia in 1995 at the age of 46.
Losing a child is the worst kind of loss. I lost a daughter in 1997.
May Stephen’s memory be for a blessing.
I’m so, so sorry, Ms. Ravitch- heartbreaking and so horribly unfair.
What a ghastly thing to discover. The book was searing on so many levels; how that discovery must have resonated in ways that are impossible to tamper down for you. How kind of you to write about it – suspect many others affected as well. It is reassuring to know they aren’t alone. And you aren’t either.
Susan
So sorry. It’s heartbreaking that it is taking so long to find a cure for many of these diseases.
No parent should have to go through that.
Diane, thank you for sharing this very personal experience with us. I am sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your tragic loss, Diane, and for this sad realization.
I will never understand why bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people.
Thank you for sharing this personal and sad reflection Diane. I am so sorry for your loss. I think of your precious son Steven as an angel creating a halo of truth and caring around you every day. You, in turn, create this same halo of truth and caring around all of our children in our world.
Holding you in my prayers, thoughts and heart. Deanna
I am so very sorry for your loss. My father developed the Acute Leukemia (AML) when he was 45. Healthy as a horse before. Died at 48 after 3 remissions in 85. Now they think it was Asbestos related. Very sad all the way around. You are in my thoughts.
Very Sorry. That’s tragic.
May his memory be a blessing to all those he knew.
I’m sorry for your broken heart, and thank you for all you do. May love prevail
Dear Dr Ravitch, My heart broke for you when I read about your litt
Thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry for your great loss.
I thank you for being brave enough to share your ongoing feelings of loss & grief, that still remain “fresh” almost 50 years later!! As the parent of an only child who is my “everything”, I can only pray for your continued strength!
My mother was diagnosed with a rare inoperable brain tumor in March 2001 and died 9 weeks after diagnosis on May 15, 2001. Having no family in this country or any prior experience with family being sick, my two brothers left the care giving to me. I ran from one expert to another seeking consultantations – of course because of the rare condition appointments were difficult to secure. But I did my best – all the while taking care of my mother who was quickly spiralling downhill.
By rare chance, my fiancé (now husband) Uncle J. was diagnosed with the same inoperable brain tumor- about 6 weeks later. Coming from a large family many children, numerous people were researching trials & treatments. Uncle J. Ended up participating in a clinical trial out of Duke and survived for almost three years. I was happy for him, angry with myself & my brothers for not finding out about the program. I felt cheated & my emotions were on a roller coaster. I just could not do it all.
My mother died 2 days after her 75 birthday and 5 months before my wedding day! I was married on September 15, 2001, even that almost was cancelled.
I have come to realize that LIFE IS FULL OF PEAKS AND VALLEYS. SOMETIMES THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THE PEAKS ARE LONGER WHICH MAKES THE VALLEYS TRAVELS LONGER THAN WE WANT. BUT WHEN WE ARE HEADING BACK UP THE PATH TO THAT NEXT PEAK THE JOURNEY IS USUALLY AN INCREDIBLE FEELING OF HAPPINESS AND SATISFACTION. !!!
my mother use to tell me “before yo can experience joy you need to know sorrow!”
Otherwise , you have no point of reference!!
The strength you share in your posts will help others !! Even if it only helps one person, it is a very admirable act of kindness on your part.
Dr. Ravitch, I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost two husbands, which was very difficult, but losing a child would be even more difficult. I had Hodgkin’s Disease when I was 25, and I know I am so fortunate to still be here. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
After reading this posting, I wish I could give you a long warm abrazón [big hug].
I thank others for finding the words to say what needs to be said on occasions like this.
Diane, I am so sorry for your loss. A mother should not have to endure the loss of her child. Your strength and still soft heart simply amaze me.
It seems you have channeled this terrible loss into advocacy for all children. Thank you.
Yes, Agree,”It seems you have channeled this terrible loss into advocacy for all children. ” Thank you Diane for having the courage to share. There is no deeper pain than the loss of a child.
So sorry for your pain. I read the book, and couldn’t imagine the agony of those families. I am now on one of the “cutting edge” drugs for adult leukemia that will appear in Part 3, grateful for all those who took part over all the years. And yet, though promising, we still don’t know the long-term results. I hope I will be around long enough to see the defeat of high-stakes testing!
Thanks for all you do, Dr. Ravitch!
How awful. I’m speechless in the presence of such unendurable pain. Thank you for going on, though it must have been, must still be such a struggle at times.
I am so sorry! No parent should have to endure this. No two year old should, either.
A hug for you.
So sorry, baby. KC
Diane,
I’m sorry for your loss.
My condolences to you. What a sad and terrible loss.
Words cannot even describe how devastating the loss of a precious child still is even after these 49 years have passed. So very sorry for your loss, Diane.
Terribly sorry for your loss Diane. As I wait for my first grandchild to arrive any day now, I can only pray for the child to be blessed with good health. My thoughts will be with you today as I know yours will be with us here in New York.
Sometimes amazing things can happen from a tragic loss. One of the administrators at my school lost his 6 month old child to cancer and a fundraising foundation he started has recently surpassed $400,000 for childhood cancer.http://www.bravewill.org/?page_id=24. I will send them a check iin memory of your loss as soon as I can.
Thank you for what you do.
Doug
diane – so sorry for your loss. thank you for all you do for all children.
So sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the feeling, even after all this time. And echoing others, thanks for your work on behalf of all our children.
I am so sorry . . .
I’m so sorry. Thank you for all you do for all of our children.
Diane, many of us know the pain you have described here. As someone has said, “It does not get better, it just gets different.” Still, the depth of your grief is a powerful tribute to your love for your lost little boy.
Diane, I am so sorry for your loss. I know the grief of losing loved ones to cancer, though it must be so much harder when it is your child. You are so strong in so many ways. And you are helping to make a difference now, for so many children. Take solace in that.
Sorry for your loss. It is most painful to lose a child.
So sorry, Diane. I can’t imagine how difficult that was and still is, and I am very sorry for your loss. I love what Margaret said up thread. “the depth of your grief is a powerful tribute to your love for your lost little boy.” And so it is.
Sorry sorry Diane. How tragic for your sweet son and your family.
I feel your pain Diane. One of life’s true tragedies.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Unnatural for parent to go through loss of child, I know the pain. It is real.
So sad and so sorry. Your sharing touches many lives and gives others incentive to keep trying and to move forward, Diane.
Diane, I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for your advocacy for all children.
Diane,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I was 8 and my sister 6 when she was diagnosed with leukemia in 1960. As you mentioned, there really weren’t any effective treatment options in the early 60’s. My sister was in and out of the hospital for 18 months before passing away. During that time she suffered a lot of bullying from neighborhood kids because she ballooned up from the steroid type treatments that were meant to slow down the progression of the disease. It’s a blessing that we’ve come such a long way with childhood leukemia, but the devastation of the disease left my parents a shell of their former selves and me a lone child in a sad house. One positive is that my radar is always up at school when I see kids being teased for being “different.
Thank you, Marilyn. We share some memories. I can only guess at the psychic toll on my older son.
Diane, sorry to learn this. So sad and moving. You are truly inspiring.
I watched the show and cried as well. My deepest sympathies to you and your family, Diane. May the memory of Steven’s love and all-too-brief life be a consolation to you as you mourn.
Diane, thank you for sharing this very personal story with us. I want to add my condolences to those already here, although there are no words that can truly comfort you. I’m sorry for your heartbreak. I so admire your strength and am in awe of how hard you fight for this country’s children.
The words of Rae Pica above are what’s in my heart right now. Thank You.
You touch so many in so many ways. This personal post reminds me how fragile and precious life is, and the healing power of love. Thanks for sharing.
there can be no greeter sadness.
Tears……..
I can’t help thinking that your son is still living in you, especially in what you are doing for so many children who have no voice and no control over their lot in life.
My condolences.
I am so sorry Diane. You touch the lives of many and we now will all think about your Steven. I’ll burn a candle in his honor.
My condolences, Diane, on you loss. Your son was and continues to be loved by you and all your family, and that love has been reborn in your caring for the millions of American schoolchildren. Thank you!
Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting.
The soul that rises with us,
Our life’s star,
Hath elsewhere had its setting
And cometh from afar.
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory
Do we come
From God,
our Home…
– W. Wordsworth, Ode to Immortality
Priscilla, that is one of my favorite poems. Poetry helped me survive the ordeal, day by day. My #1: “Oak and Lily” by Ben Jonson.
So glad to learn you are familiar with this gem. Wrote it in the hope it would help the heartache ease up a bit. Appreciate the reference to “Oak and Lily.” Haven’t read that one yet, but will put it on my reading list.
…warm regards.
Diane- There are no words to describe the loss of a child. It is a pain that never fades and it is post traumatic stress when a new memory or reality opens this devastating reality.
My condolences to you and your family. The love and memories for our children always remain in our hearts and minds. The tragedy of cancer and uncertainties in medical practice are so difficult to go through. You are not alone in feeling the pain of ‘what if’, it is our humaneness that brings us to this questioning. Take comfort and peace in knowing that You, your family, and the doctors tried their best to heal your son.
My heart is sad for you.
It has been aptly said that the loss of one’s child is the greatest tragedy that a parent can endure, perhaps anyone.
For those who have lost a child that truth is greater than anyone else can possibly imagine.
I am so VERY sorry for your loss.
Your work with children can never take the place of your own loss but it IS something for which you can take condolence.
God be with you.
My spouse was diagnosed with the typical childhood leukemia in Fall of 2014…she is still undergoing treatment even now, and I could practically treat someone myself with what I’ve since learned about cancer and this disease. I watched segments of this and cried for those poor children, these poor families.
I cry for my child, who may never know her mother unless she is cured and we won’t know for a very long time if that is the case.
I scream for companies that develop treatments and then make them unavailable to people (look up blincyto – the latest development in this fight). The more I learn about the number of fronts doctors need to fight Leukemia on, the more hopeless it feels sometimes.
CAR-T cells have promise (a form of immunotherapy), different dosages of chemo have been promising (they are at the point where the highest someone can possibly stand is the best dose based on decades of research), Bone Marrow Transplants are more promising and less fatal now than before but also are still not curative (they are more curative when they work, but also have a chance of killing much higher than chemo, and both have roughly the same overall survival % such that chemo is preferred unless someone falls into a risk category that makes it unlikely for chemo to cure them).
Cancer is big money. People die and we mourn them everyday.
I mourn for your child (unclear to me if this was your son or other relative), and I mourn for the adults who wage battle personally, and for the doctors and nurses that need to look at them everyday and deliver often bad news or no news.
I hope we learn some way of experimenting with cancer that relies less on human bodies suffering disease, and that can have faster iterations to perfect treatments and dosing. Doctors have very hard choices now as where we are is a place where they ethically want to give the best treatment that’s known to work to patients, and reserving breakthroughs for only the most critically ill because they are unproven.
It is a tough moral decision that even the most educated person would grapple with. I pray every day that my wife’s doctors are able to cure her. And cure every person who needs to go through this horrendous struggle not knowing if they will end up living or dying. ANd pray for the families that support them, and the spouses who languish in pain at unknown fates.
I deal with leukemia daily. I know your pain too well Diane.
I watched segment 2 last night on breast cancer. It is amazing to see new break throughs after so much struggle. I lost my father to a glialeblastoma (an incurable type of brain cancer) a few years ago. Now they are testing out polio as a cure. It has worked for some. I too feel the sting of a cure brought too late. I rejoice for others who have new hope. I find solace in that possibility. I hope you do as well. Nothing can change the pain of losing a loved one so much as hope. I personally believe that we see our loved ones again in the eternities. This has brought me great comfort.
So sad to hear the story of your little boy. Many of us are sharing your grief.
Diane, I cannot imagine your pain. I’m so sorry that you suffered such an unjust loss. Someone once said that no parent should outlive their child and I agree. Hope that time has made your pain bearable, since I know that that is a wound that won’t heal. Thank you for your dedication and strength. I’m so sorry for loss.
Your son: Heartbreaking. I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing so much.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son. Words cannot console, but all I can think of is he is an angel in heaven and some day you will meet again.
Our hearts are with you. Mary Patee retired teacher from Jefferson County, CO.
To say this is the worst thing to happen to a parent is possibly incorrect, but in my book it has to be. I am so sorry. Children should not have to suffer. And as a mom of only one child, I used to feel I was having a frontal lobotomy when he would be sick or injured. I chastised but could not help myself for over-worrying. It was beyond me to consider something awful could happen to him. (I didn’t think I was able to have any more children, but no matter.) Children are precious beyond measure. I am sure you have some beautiful memories of Steven.
So sorry you and your son had to suffer so much. He would be so proud of you!
Diane…you post everyday of the work you do to save education. Your loss, though many years ago, gives us, the recipients of your many hours of labor, a human connection. We all share your grief. Thank you for your selfless efforts to help better education for all of us……
Michael Roebuck, teacher, Oroville, CA
Thank you, Michael. It is not my work I feature, but yours and that of parents and teachers trying to help save their students, their children, and public education from a movement of unfathomable wealth.
Heartbreaking.
The poem to which Diane refers, above:
It is not growing like a tree
In bulk, doth make man better be;
Or standing long an oak, three hundred year,
To fall a log at last, dry, bald, and sere:
A lily of a day
Is fairer far in May,
Although it fall and die that night:
It was the plant and flower of light.
In small proportions we just beauties see;
And in short measures life may perfect be.
So sorry and sad to read this. I can’t imagine your pain, how hard it must be to lose a child-even 50 years later.
Interestingly, when I first read this earlier today, I was listening to Led Zeppelin, “All My Love,” to be exact. (According to Wikipedia) It was written in honour of [Robert] Plant’s [5 year old] son Karac, who died while Led Zeppelin were on their 1977 North American tour.
All my love to you, Diane.
As one whose life has been touched by cancer, I shed a tear for Steven. You and your husband suffered the most terrible ordeal that a human can.
The Emperor of All Maladies was a sad but excellent series; I read the book and Siddhartha writes like a novelist.
My heart is with you. I lost a sister, aged 13, to this dreadful disease almost thirty years ago. I always think of what could have been, and what should have been.
One really never knows the burdens we all carry. When I read this, tears came from my eyes. I almost lost a child because of mental illness. If he would have succeeded in hurting himself, I do not know what I would have done. I cannot imagine the pain you feel to this day. I sense all that you do has something to do with this loss.
I lost my little brother to leukemia on 1970. I was only 7 myself and often think about him. My parents never really recovered. As I read the comments from the members of our blog family I realize there are many of who suffered similar losses. We have little guardian angels on our shoulder. I think it’s part of what makes us so good at what we do. Blessings to all who educate children. They are our future.