From our poet, SomeDAM Poet:
“Pattern for Success”
Gates dropped out
Which bred success
Little doubt
That dropout’s best
Design a test
That none can pass
And Gates’ success
Is theirs at last!
Poet forgot to mention that the pattern works best if you have rich parents.
A few days ago, in the midst of the discussion of the Tennessee legislation allowing mental health professionals to refuse to serve any patient if the patient was offensive to them on religious grounds, our daily commenter Duane Swacker informed us of a relatively new but fast-growing religion: the Pastafarians. This religion worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Those who may have been inclined to scoff should stop their scoffing. A woman who identified as a Pastafarian just won the right to have her driver’s license photo taken with a colander on her head. That has some relationship to pasta, straining it, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
So far as I know the Pastafarians have not yet sought vouchers, but their branches in Arizona, Louisiana, the District of Columbia, Nevada, Ohio, Indiana, and Wisconsin certainly qualify to receive them.
Just when you get feeling really down about the way things are going in this country, you come across something like this, and it gives you a laugh and some hope for the future.
Time to laugh!
Terry Castle is an accomplished writer and Walter A. Haas Professor in the Humanities at Stanford University. She and her partner were invited to a fundraising party for Hillary Clinton at a swanky Palo Alto abode. She has written a hilarious account of their attendance at the party.
I can’t reproduce any samples because part of its impact and humor come from her use of typefaces and wordplay. I think you will laugh.
John Merrow says that he has flunked retirement. He is starting a new organization called “Stars for Schools.” He hopes to enlist celebrities to call attention to the vital role of schools and teachers.
He writes:
“I’ve been reaching out to celebrities (stars!) to engage them in this work. Among those who have already agreed to participate or have been invited but haven’t yet responded are Matt Damon, Claire Danes, Joe Biden, Oprah Winfrey, George Clooney, Mike Huckabee, Jane Pauley, Spike Lee, Charles Barkley, Billy Jean King, Steven Spielberg, Ryan Gosling, John Legend, Tina Fey, Steph Curry, Charlie Rose, Gwen Ifill, Judy Woodruff, Tony Bennett, Steven Colbert, Whoopi Goldberg, Marco Rubio, J.K. Rowling, Monica Lewinsky, LeBron James, Johnny Mathis, Peyton Manning, Jim Lehrer, Amy Schumer, Bill Clinton, Laura Bush, Justin Bieber, Mitt Romney, Samantha Bee, Chris Rock, Helen Mirren, Kim Kardashian, Will Ferrell, John Travolta, Jon Stewart, and Michelle Rhee. The list goes on and on…..
“If you are a big star, I urge you to sign yourself up. Even if you aren’t a big enough star, you can still be involved by donating to contribution at starsforschools.org. It’s tax-deductible!
“Every year “Stars for Schools” will sponsor a Day of Action to call attention to the vital role that schools play in American life.
“We’re calling the 2016 Day of Action “Celebrity Crossing Guard Day,” when some of America’s biggest stars will don the crossing guard’s bright yellow (orange in some states) uniforms and actually do the important work of making sure our children get across dangerous intersections and into their schools safely. That’s right: these dedicated men and women aren’t just sitting on the sidelines; they’re in the mix, in the arena. Of course, this media event will attract hours of local and national television coverage and set the social media world of Twitter, Facebook and Instagram afire….
“Stars for Schools” is also going to change the public image of teachers, who for too long have been stereotyped as boring and unsexy. In fact, in the latest Gallup/Phi Delta Kappan poll, teachers scored lower on the ‘Sexy’ scale than even dentists and accountants. That has to change, and I believe that these subtly suggestive T-shirts will turn that image on its head.
DRAMA TEACHERS DO IT BACKSTAGE!
BIOLOGY TEACHERS KNOW ALL YOUR BODY PARTS!
MUSIC TEACHERS DO IT RHYTHMICALLY!
BAND TEACHERS KNOW THE SCORE!
LET A COMPUTER TEACHER PUSH YOUR BUTTONS!
GUIDANCE TEACHERS CAN SHOW YOU THE WAY
GEOMETRY TEACHERS KNOW THE ANGLES
CHEMISTRY TEACHERS DO IT PERIODICALLY
When they see their children’s teachers wearing these snappy slogans, parents will certainly see them in a new light. Shirts are $39.95 and come in four sizes, S, M, L and XL.
Okay, here is the punch line. Given the odd combination of “stars,” including Michelle Rhee, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee, and John Legend–all of whom are known for their support of charters and/or vouchers– I contacted John and asked in all serious whether he was defining “public education” to include charters and vouchers. He got me. April Fool’s Day, and I was fooled. Last year, he announced that he was joining the board of Pearson; many of his fans were shocked. He announced it on April 1.
Here is another wonderful parody by the Bald Piano Guy, borrowing a Billy Joel song.
“It’s Still Opting Out for Me.”
Enjoy!
This is corny but cute.
A daughter is visiting her father and helping in the kitchen.
She asks, “How do you like your new iPad?” It is in German but it doesn’t matter.
This is an very engaging analysis of Sarah Palin’s use of words, her rhetorical flourishes.
It turns out that she relies on Latinate phrasing:
“Here, “politics being kind of brutal business” defines the circumstances under which the action occurs. It looks like a construction that will be familiar to anybody who took Latin in school: the ablative absolute.
“An ablative absolute in Latin is a particular kind of clause that, according to one definition, “modifies the whole sentence as an adverb modifies the action of a verb.” An example, courtesy of The Latin Library: “His verbis dictis, Caesar discedit.” Translation: “With these words having been said, Caesar departs.”
“In fact, a lot of what Sarah Palin says sounds like it’s been poorly translated from the Latin. With her “he who” and “one who,” she’d sound almost Ciceronian if it weren’t for the holes in her logic and the way those complicated sentences sometimes dribble off into vaguely sinister, possibly offensive nonsense.”
One of the funniest and sharpest commentators on the follies and madness of contemporary education policy is EduShyster, known to friends and family as Jennifer Berkshire.
Jennifer is launching a podcast, which she calls “Have You Heard?”
Her first podcast is about the opt-out movement in Philadelphia. She is a great interviewer, and her podcasts will help to spread the word about the good and terrible things happening in education today.
She travels the country in search of stories, and she will be interviewing some of the leading figures in education from different ends of the ideological spectrum, asking tough questions.
Add EduShyster’s podcast to your reading and listening routine.
Gene Glass, the eminent researcher, reviews here the year just finished.
It is a month-by-month account of big events in education.
For example:
July
Scientists at the American Institutes for Research release study that shows that the first two hours of the school day – from 5:30 am to 7:30 am – account for less than 1% of the day’s learning due to students’ somnambulant state. Study recommendations include delaying the start of school until 5:45 am, so as to ensure that high school grads will be college and career ready.
The American Association of University Professors releases the results of a 14-day study that pronounces 99% of America’s high school graduates “not ready for college.” AAUP petitions the federal government to create a special loan program to support all Freshmen while they complete two semesters of remedial courses.
The National Association of Manufacturers issues a statement in response to Common Core supporters that they have “not the faintest idea what skills will be needed by persons entering the workforce of 2025.”
August
Nothing happened in public education in the month of August as tens of thousands of teachers treated their union thug representatives to cruises on their yachts in the Mediterranean and Caribbean.
Watch this video of a baby conversing with a husky.
I am a sucker for dog videos. You may have noticed.
I have a beautiful, 75-pound mutt. She is part German shepherd, part Husky, part Akita, part Lab, part everything. She is all black with white paws, so she is called Mitzi for her mittens. She intimidates people because she is so big but in fact she is the sweetest, most affectionate dog ever. When I walk with her at night, she gets frightened of everything and I have to remind her that she is there to protect me, not vice versa.
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