This is hilarious!
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I think we need to teach more critical thinking in the schools.
BREAKING NEWS: Julian Vasquez Heilig Has Won OK to Open Five For-Profit Charter Schools in Michigan!
Julian Vasquez Heilig has deep ties to the state of Michigan, as he is from Lansing, and he graduated from the University of Michigan. He has made his mark as a scholar of education policy at the University of Texas and now Sacramento State in California. Although he has established a reputation as a well-informed critic of charters, he could not pass up the opportunity to open a chain of charters in his home state of Michigan, where anyone can open a charter school and the financial rewards of for-profit charters are large. What’s principle when profits are so alluring?
The five charters will open this September, which is kind of quick, but then they are mostly online schools. It is no problem that Julian will continue to live in California, because, well, the weather is better.
It took only four weeks to have his request approved, so why wait to get started?
Here are three of his five new charters. You will have to open the link to read about the other two. They are doozies:
SELL Academy: SELL Academy will be primarily online and have a statewide attendance zone and serve grades 9-12. The school plans to implement an online real estate and sales curriculum through partnership with Trump University. The school aims to integrate sales into project-based learning experiences to allow students to develop critical thinking skills and a deeper understanding of sales— including real estate deals. Tremendous! There will be a brick-and-mortar location at a Trump property to be determined later.
Perfect Graduation Academy for Boys: Perfect Academy for Boys will be primarily online have a statewide with a brick-and-mortar location on land to be purchased by school and then leased back to me by my Charter Management Organization at a “great” price. Perfect will serve grades 9-10. The school will be a single-gender charter school that provides a rigorous, college preparatory program for grades 9-12. We will have a 100% graduation rate for everyone that is still at our school after four years. I promise. Perfect Academy for Boys will offer an extended day, week and year religious-based educational program. The focus is on boys, because, well, you know boys.
Exodus Academy for Girls: Exodus Academy for Girls will be primarily online have a statewide with a brick-and-mortar location on land to be purchased by school and then leased back to me by my Charter Management Organization at a “great” price (see above). I am actually thinking I might sell this school before it opens or mid-year. I’m taking offers— I’m ready to exodus.
He says he knows that Betsy DeVos will be thrilled with his success and that he was inspired by her comparison of schools to Ubers and other disruptive innovations in ride-sharing. He wants to be part of the new economy.
Need I say that Julian will be leaving the board of the Network for Public Education as of close of business today?
(April Fool!)
This post is satire. It appears in The New Yorker as a letter written in 2040 by a student whose education was shaped by Betsy DeVos.
Without saying so, it acknowledges her avid support for school choice that includes schools where children learn nothing other than the religious right version of science (dinosaurs and humans living at the same time), and not much else.
An excerpt:
I am the smartest and oldest student in my school so next year I will go to Harvard right away. I will study rules and politics so some day I can make them good like you did. I would not have this amazing scenario of life without you so thank you again to you.
My private school cost my parents lots of big money (they are better at going into banks than me). I got a good education here and did real good. My favorite parts of school are Prayer Class, Pledge of Allegiance Class, Food Eating Time, Run Around Time, Nap Times 1, 2, and 3, and Science (Nap Time 4).
I like my teachers because they are the only ones left. A lot of them went home because they couldn’t stop crying every time we talked. One Run Around Time I ran by Misses Pensky and heard her say to Mister Graham, “it’s only getting worse. These kids are in their twenties and they can’t even identify the colors of traffic signals. We’re all going to die.” The next day Misses Pensky was gone. I do not know where she went. Maybe to pick out a nice box for when she dies to go to sleep in?
Is it funny or sad? Can you really satirize the madness of putting a religious zealot who knows nothing about education other than “choice” in charge of the U.S. Department of Education?
The National Education Policy Center reports that Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos held a secret meeting with a Russian grizzly bear!
There is an actual photograph of the meeting included in the post!
BOULDER, CO (April 1, 2017) – As part of Education Secretary Betsy DeVos’s campaign to promote educational vouchers, she held a secret meeting last week with Boo Boo Medvedev, a Russian bear who is said to have close ties to bear leadership throughout the northern hemisphere.
Tensions between the two camps had flared following reports that DeVos had urged American teachers to open fire on members of the bear community. As a result, the powerful bear lobby had threatened to maul politicians who pretended not to know about recent studies of vouchers in Louisiana, Ohio and Indiana, all showing negative test score effects—in some cases, surprisingly large.
An Education Department spokesman announced on Friday that the talks were very successful. “The Secretary explained to Mr. Medvedev that her statements had been falsely reported by the Fake News Liberal Establishment Media™. By the end of the meeting, the Secretary had the bear eating out of her hand.”
Please read the posts to find out what the Bear promised Secretary DeVos.
Thanks to Duane Swacker for this hilarious piece from the Onion!
Mike Pence asks the waiter to remove Mrs. Butterworth from the table until his wife arrives. Her comely shape embarrasses him.
Someone on Twitter said that Mike Pence seems to be obsessed with the sanctity of marriage, but obsessed with interfering in the sanctity of other people’s marriages.
This is a very funny parody of a standardized test, one that reflects the issues and concerns of our new Secretary of Education.
Only question left out: Is there anything funny about having a Secretary of Education who knows nothing about education? Answer yes or no.
Another one: What kind of president would appoint someone to lead the U.S. Department of Education who wants to get rid of public schools attended by nearly 90% of all American children? An essay question. Or, a constructed response, limited to two sentences.
This one made me laugh out loud.
I hope you have the same reaction.
We all need some humor these days.
1. Deceit, fraud
2. Anything calculated to deceive by false show; anything externally splendid but of little intrinsic value; worthless finery.
3. Things worn out and of no value; useless matter; trifles; rubbish; nonsense.
That’s the definition in the 1983 Webster’s Dictionary.
H/T: Andrea Gabor on Twitter.
Diane Ravitch's blog 