The Onion Explains the Test Questions That Stump Students Today

18 Comments Post your own

1. GregB says:

   July 1, 2023 at 11:56 am

   One more question. Anyone know who this is? Haven’t seen him before.
   https://www.huffpost.com/entry/education-secretary-miguel-cardona-republicans-loan-forgiveness_n_649fa5d0e4b028e647311e1b

   LikeLike

   Reply
   • Bob Shepherd says:

     July 1, 2023 at 9:32 pm

     lol

     LikeLike

     Reply
2. LeftCoastTeacher says:

   July 1, 2023 at 5:47 pm

   The answer to the who fought WWII question!

   LikeLike

   Reply
3. josh says:

   July 1, 2023 at 7:18 pm

   https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/post/century-old-8th-grade-exam-can-you-pass-a-1912-test/2012/01/04/gIQAxjC00P_blog.html

   LikeLike

   Reply
4. Bob Shepherd says:

   July 1, 2023 at 8:54 pm

   If three black spaceships can sometimes look like two white spaceships, how much will the price of milk DECREASE in Tuva in 2026?

   a. Mike Pence’s “mother”
   b. Silver Solution Covid Cure
   c. divide by zero
   d. e and f

   LikeLike

   Reply
   • Bob Shepherd says:

     July 1, 2023 at 9:20 pm

     This is a new kind of multiple-choice question developed by BS Education Metrics, LLC. Unlike questions on antiquated previous-generation tests, these questions test Triune Representational Intelligence Partially Projected into the Numinous, or TRIPPIN.

     LikeLike

     Reply
     • Bob Shepherd says:

       July 1, 2023 at 9:27 pm

       If you answered,

       Klavierkonzert No. 22, “Goat’s Milk,”

       you are correct.

       LikeLike

     • Bob Shepherd says:

       July 1, 2023 at 9:31 pm

       Our preliminary national trials show that US students almost all Fail, unlike US Supreme Court Just Asses, who are really trippin. Given these shocking results, our recommendation is that states send BS Education Metrics billions of dollars each year to create additional tests to drive instruction.

       LikeLike

     • Catherine Blanche King says:

       July 1, 2023 at 10:23 pm

       Bob Shepherd How many times in your life have you been asked, and not in a kidding sort of way: “Does the BS mean what I think it does?”

       Well, here it is again: Best in Show?

       And if you remember the best line ever in WKRP in Cincinati, that’s analogous with: “Lorraine was a farmer?” CBK

       LikeLike

     • Bob Shepherd says:

       July 1, 2023 at 10:29 pm

       I’ll take best in show.

       I’m talking about the oldest profession.

       Lorraine’s a farmer?

       LikeLike

     • Catherine Blanche King says:

       July 1, 2023 at 10:43 pm

       Bob You remember. What a show. CBK

       LikeLike

     • Bob Shepherd says:

       July 1, 2023 at 9:38 pm

       Politicians: for our constituent outreach kit, “Stirring up Voters with BS Metrics,” please direct $25,000 USD in PAC money referencing your most recent campaign to our address in the Cayman Islands.

       LikeLike

5. GregB says:

   July 2, 2023 at 12:13 am

   Here’s another question that stumps me after reading this:
   https://www.huffpost.com/entry/moms-for-liberty-ron-desantis-donald-trump_n_64a02919e4b0dcb22c459ca2
   Why is that republicans will use education as wedge issues and give them oxygen and support but Democrats can’t use them as assertive issues? Stupid rabbit. Just realized the answer. Dems get too much deformer money. republicans take zero from public education constituencies.

   LikeLike

   Reply
   • GregB says:

     July 2, 2023 at 12:18 am

     And one more thing. Why is that the only republicans who veer toward honesty are ones who will never run for office again or use a losing, final campaign to get on the rational side of history a la Christie?
     https://www.cleveland.com/news/2023/06/ex-republican-ohio-governor-doubles-down-on-opposition-to-state-issue-1.html

     LikeLike

     Reply
   • Bob Shepherd says:

     July 2, 2023 at 12:19 am

     There are, alas, a lot of Democratic politicians and pundits who went to Education Deformer School–Rachel Maddow, for example. Clueless about this stuff. Has swallowed the whole Gates Foundation/The 74 party line.

     LikeLike

     Reply
6. Bob Shepherd says:

   July 2, 2023 at 6:03 am

   A heads up:

   Coded Bias, on Netflix, features Cathy O’Neil, mathematician and author of Weapons of Math Destruction, discussing problems with the so-called “Value-Added Model” (VAM) used to evaluate teachers based on students’ test scores.

   LikeLike

   Reply
   • Mamie Krupczak Allegretti says:

     July 2, 2023 at 9:24 am

     I sometimes hear the term “value added” applied to people. “Oh, he added value to the community….” I cringe every time.

     LikeLike

     Reply
     • Bob Shepherd says:

       July 2, 2023 at 9:26 am

       There are many perfectly good words in our language that have been ruined by the Education Deformers–by Jeb Bush, Gates, Coleman, Duncan, etc. Value-added is one of them. Data is another.

       LikeLike