This article by Nellie Bowles appeared in the New York Times.
SAN FRANCISCO — Silicon Valley parents are increasingly obsessed with keeping their children away from screens. Even a little screen time can be so deeply addictive, some parents believe, that it’s best if a child neither touches nor sees any of these glittering rectangles. These particular parents, after all, deeply understand their allure.
But it’s very hard for a working adult in the 21st century to live at home without looking at a phone. And so, as with many aspirations and ideals, it’s easier to hire someone to do this.
Enter the Silicon Valley nanny, who each day returns to the time before screens.
“Usually a day consists of me being allowed to take them to the park, introduce them to card games,” said Jordin Altmann, 24, a nanny in San Jose, of her charges. “Board games are huge.”
“Almost every parent I work for is very strong about the child not having any technical experience at all,” Ms. Altmann said. “In the last two years, it’s become a very big deal.”
From Cupertino to San Francisco, a growing consensus has emerged that screen time is bad for kids. It follows that these parents are now asking nannies to keep phones, tablets, computers and TVs off and hidden at all times. Some are even producing no-phone contracts, which guarantee zero unauthorized screen exposure, for their nannies to sign.
The fear of screens has reached the level of panic in Silicon Valley. Vigilantes now post photos to parenting message boards of possible nannies using cellphones near children. Which is to say, the very people building these glowing hyper-stimulating portals have become increasingly terrified of them. And it has put their nannies in a strange position.
“In the last year everything has changed,” said Shannon Zimmerman, a nanny in San Jose who works for families that ban screen time. “Parents are now much more aware of the tech they’re giving their kids. Now it’s like, ‘Oh no, reel it back, reel it back.’ Now the parents will say ‘No screen time at all.’”
Ms. Zimmerman likes these new rules, which she said harken back to a time when kids behaved better and knew how to play outside.
Parents, though, find the rules harder to follow themselves, Ms. Zimmerman said.
The Nanny Contracts
Parents are now asking nannies to sign stringent “no-phone use contracts,” according to nannying agencies across the region.
“The people who are closest to tech are the most strict about it at home,” said Lynn Perkins, the C.E.O. of UrbanSitter, which she says has 500,000 sitters in the network throughout the United States. “We see that trend with our nannies very clearly.”
The phone contracts basically stipulate that a nanny must agree not to use any screen, for any purpose, in front of the child. Often there is a caveat that the nanny may take calls from the parent. “We do a lot of these phone contracts now,” Ms. Perkins said.
“We’re writing work agreements up in a different way to cover screen and tech use,” said Julie Swales, who runs the Elizabeth Rose Agency, a high-end firm that staffs nannies and house managers for families in the region. “Typically now, the nanny is not allowed to use her phone for any private use.”
This can be tricky. These same parents often want updates through the day.
“If the mom does call and the nanny picks up, it’s, ‘Well what are you doing that you can be on your phone?’” Ms. Swales said. “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”
She said that at least wealthy tech executives know what they want — no phones at all. The harder families to staff are those that are still unsure how to handle tech.
“It’s almost safer to some degree in those houses because they know what they’re dealing with,” she said, “as opposed to other families who are still trying to muddle their way in tech.”
Narcing Out Nannies
Some parents in Silicon Valley are embracing a more aggressive approach. While their offices are churning out gadgets and apps, the nearby parks are full of phone spies. These hobbyists take it upon themselves to monitor and alert the flock. There are nannies who may be pushing a swing with one hand and texting with the other, or inadvertently exposing a toddler to a TV through a shop window.
“The nanny spotters, the nanny spies,” said Ms. Perkins, the UrbanSitter C.E.O. “They’re self-appointed, but at least every day there’s a post in one of the forums.”
The posts follow a pattern: A parent will take a photo of a child accompanied by an adult who is perceived to be not paying enough attention, upload it to one of the private social networks like San Francisco’s Main Street Mamas, home to thousands of members, and ask: “Is this your nanny?”
She calls the practice “nanny-outing.”
“What I’ll see is, ‘Did anyone have a daughter with a red bow in Dolores Park? Your nanny was on her phone not paying attention,’” Ms. Perkins said.
The forums, where parents post questions and buy and sell baby gear, are now reckoning with public shaming and privacy issues. Main Street Mamas has recently banned photos from being included in these ‘nanny spotted’ posts, Ms. Perkins said.
“We follow and are part of quite a large number of social media groups around the Bay Area, and we’ve had families scout out nannies at parks,” said Syma Latif, who runs Bay Area Sitters, which has about 200 nannies in rotation. “It’ll be like, ‘Is this your nanny? She’s texting and the child is on the swing.’”
Sometimes a parent will step in to defend the nanny and declare that the phone use at that moment was allowed.
“They’ll say, ‘Actually it was my nanny, and she was texting me but thank you for the heads up,’” Ms. Latif said. “Of course it’s very, very offensive on a human rights level. You’re being tracked and monitored and put on social media. But I do think it comes from a genuine concern.”
Commenters will jump in to defend someone — or to point out that no one can be sure whether the perpetrator is a parent or a nanny. The standards are different.
“There is this thought that the moms can be on their phones,” Ms. Latif said. “They can be texting, because it’s their child.”
Others say it shouldn’t make a difference.
Anita Castro, 51, has been a nanny in Silicon Valley for 12 years. She says she knows she works in homes that have cameras set up to film her. She thinks the nanny outing posts cross a line and feel like “an invasion.”
“I use the forums to find jobs, but now just reading the titles: ‘I saw your nanny…’” Ms. Castro said. “Who are these people? Are they the neighbors? Are they friends?”
A few weeks ago at the Los Altos library, another nanny told Ms. Castro about quitting after one mom followed her around parks to snoop.
“She’d pop up and say, ‘Hey, you’re not on your phone, are you? You’re not letting him do that, are you?” Ms. Castro recalled. “So she finally just said, ‘You know, I don’t think you need a nanny.’”
If you are an edtech entrepeneur or big fan of depersonalized instructional management and delivery sytems, the “no screen time” policy is for other people’s children. The testing industry, aided by ESSA, finds no problem with screen-based delivery of tests. Tech for preschool is expanding and of use in gathering data for the financial products known as Pay for Success contracts,(also Social Impact Bonds). It is too easy to forget that screen-based games and internet systems are gathering combinations of biometric, biographic and psychographic information all of the time, as soon as you connect.
Even though research has shown, students do better on a pencil and paper than a screen test, computers are used because it is easier and less expensive for testing companies. It also facilitates the ease of collecting data on other people’s children.
“The Tech Titan Motto”
Screentime’s great
For others’ kids
Take the bait
And make the bids
Screetime sucks
For kids of mine
Make my bucks
From cyber crime
The female physicians with children go to the schools their children attend and basically say, “Too much screen time for my kids. I have the research.”
Good for these female physicians. These female doctors go to the schools their children attend several times during the school year to deliver basically the same message: TOO MUCH SCREEN TIME DAMAGES. There are studies which show how too much screen time actually damages.
The AAP needs to take a stand on this nationwide…same as the AMA has with the “get out of our lane” from the NRA. The problem is that medicine has already been fully privatized (but a lot of this new technology is actually a good thing IF an Insurer will cover the treatment). The implementation of EMR is both a blessing and a curse for physicians AND patients. The physicians walk a very narrow rope.
The responses to the NRA on Twitter have been impressive. Some from Emergency Room doctors with pictures of what bullets to the human brain.
We know how the APA took a stand against the scream( torture) — they facilitated it — so i won’t hold my breath waiting for their stand against the screen.
The only thing they seem interested in is making excuses for corporations and fascists.
The AAP is the American Academy of Pediatrics. They’re a pretty decent organization (they’ve come out 100% against corporal punishment, for instance). A far cry from the APA, which makes me embarrassed to ever have been affiliated with psychology, even though I never got my doctorate and joined that vile organization.
I wonder what stand the SPCA takes on screen time.
I bet they are against it.
I used to have a cat that was constantly glued to the screen door.
LOL
Was the cat glued to the outside of the screen door or the inside surface? The answer will determine if the cat wanted out or in.
She definitely wanted out. Even when she lived in NYC, she wanted out. Closest she got was one afternoon when she spent several hours sitting on top of a window air-conditioning unit, 14 floors up over 38th Street. Then, she wanted in.
You’re good, Flerp! Thanks, I needed that laugh.
Well, isn’t this rich?!
Do they post photos of parents looking at screens when they are with their kids? Or of kids looking at screens when they are with their parents?
Does watching a movie together on television count as “screen time” or not? Is it okay for a kid to watch Sesame Street on tv but not okay for a kid to read a story (or an entire book) on an IPAD?
I’m just curious what constitutes “screen time” in that study. What about doing research for a history paper on-line? Must that be done in the library using the Readers’ Guide to Periodical Literature books?
When I was a boy, growing up before the internet, when television was king of the screens, my parents used to tell me to stop watching the boob tube and read a book. Then, they grabbed books and read them. We only watched the State of the Union address together, once a year. They were right.
A bit reactionary I’d say. My kids, from a very young age, grew up with their own computer in their room (because I brought home the oldest ones from my office) and i did not impose strict limitations on use. Now they are 27 and 29 and have sorted out fairly well the place for tech and the place for human interaction.
If your children are now 27 and 29, they were not exposed to smart phones at an early age.
I think the smartphone (and Instagram, Snapchat and all the other instant messaging) has made things worse by orders of magnitude.
My own nieces and nephews (who did grow up in the smartphone age) go through a sort of withdrawal whenever they are without a phone for more than an hour. When the power goes off for any extended time, they spend their time sitting in the car to make sure their phone stays charged. Would not want to miss the latest bullying message about someone at school, you know.
As SDP says, the personal computer was an entirely different animal. It can’t be compared with the modern smart phone.
Siliconanny
Siliconanny
Screentime’s foe
Silicon Valley
Where they go
Siliconanny
Hired by Gates
Screen time banning
Also dates
This is the ultimate proof that Silicone Valley CEO’s are no different than tobacco industry CEO’s that hid the evidence from their own research for decades as millions suffered and died earlier deaths caused by their tobacco that was addictive and caused cancer and other health problems that shortened lifespans. They even hired scientists to increase the addictive ability of their tobacco products.
“Too Much Screen Time Means Health Decline”
https://abcnews.go.com/Health/tv-screen-time-earlier-death/story?id=12585853
Among the wealthiest 0.1-percent, greed is their primary god!
Silicone Valley CEO’s are no different than tobacco industry CEO’s that hid the evidence from their own research for decades as millions suffered and died earlier deaths
You’re right, Lloyd. CEOs at Dow Corning and other Silicone Valley companies hid the dangers of silicone breast implants for decades.
I say throw the silicone implants at them.
I saw throw the implants away with the implanted.
These parents know because they understand how deeply addicted they themselves have become to their screens. I know because it has happened to me, too. Any sensible person who’s addicted to a substance or product knows that you shouldn’t expose young children to it.
Are the tech children allowed to visit tech-using friends? Possible contamination could occur!!! I believe in technology limitation should be practiced by people of all ages but outright banning of technology does not make sense. The cookie jar is always more attractive when you have been forbidden to partake.
Probably not because the tech parents have control over scheduling play dates with the children of other tech parents that also want their children to avoid contamination with the internet and too much screen time.
What would a play date be for two children in tech culture? Sitting side by side and playing the same cyber game? Or playing it at their own homes?
“Sitting side by side and playing the same cyber game?”
How about sitting side by side playing different games. I have witnessed it with my own two eyes.
I think what we would witness is similar to how my step daughter was raised by her mother and I.
No video games, ever.
No computer linked to internet in her room. Only one computer in the house was linked to the internet and that was in a family room that one or both of her parents monitored at all times.
No mobile phone so no texting and surfing the internet. She was in 10th grade when she got her first mobile phone and I monitored the bills to find out how much time she spent on the phone. She knew if it was more than five minutes a month, she’d lose the phone that was for contacting us when she was ready to be picked up. When she was in her second year at Stanford, she finally bought her own phone that wasn’t linked to our bill.
No TV in her room and about two hours of TV time a week and that two hours of TV time was spent together as a family with the parents deciding what we watched and most of that was educational and informative.
A visit to the library once a week.
The major free time activities in our house was reading books and taking long family walks after dinner. When problems came up, we sat in a circle in the living room and talked about it and each of us had our time to talk without interruption.
We ate at least one meal a day as a family and that was usually dinner.
I got up early enough to make sure a nutritional breakfast was ready for her when she got up later before going to school. I didn’t leave it up to her because she’d grab something easy, unhealthy, or not eat at all until she reached the school where sweets and sodas were too easy to get.