I know the family of the writer of this letter, Isabel Rose. Her family is one of the most prominent and philanthropic families in New York City. The Rose family endowed major gifts to the New York Public Library, the Planetarium at the Museum of Natural History, Lincoln Center, the Metropolitan Museum, and many other major cultural institutions.
She wrote a public letter to Ivanka Trump, from one mother to another. She wrote about her child, who is transgender. It was incredibly brave of her to tell her story in public. The letter is beautifully written, sincere, and heartfelt.
I hope Ivanka reads it.
I am posting only a portion. I hope you will read it in its entirety.
My name is Isabel Rose and I bet if we played a quick game of Six Degrees of Separation we would discover many mutual acquaintances. This shouldn’t come as a suprise. After all, we are both from prominent New York real estate families, we both attended private all-girls schools and went on to earn degrees from Ivy League colleges, and we both married smart Jewish men and now have young children. And I suspect, from the photos you share on your Instagram feed, that we also share a love of motherhood and would do anything to ensure the happiness and security of our kids.
You recently gave birth to your youngest so your memory is still fresh with the elation you feel holding new life in your arms. I, too, remember that thrill. It seems like only yesterday that my second child was born. My husband and I already had a daughter so we were ecstatic to add a son to our growing brood. We named our child Samuel and took him home from the hospital with hearts filled with anticipation and love.
Samuel liked to play dress up from a very young age. When he was two, his camp counselor sent us photos of him dressed up in princess costumes and a pink bonnet. At three, Samuel’s preschool teacher informed us that he chose a tutu from the dress up bin instead of the doctor’s lab coat or fireman jacket that the other boys favored. By four, Samuel broke out in hives when we tried to cut his hair, and at five he told us, through tears, that he wanted to burn his face off because it wasn’t a girl face. He also tore at his genitalia with such hatred, I had to pin his arms down at his sides. “I’m not supposed to have a penis!” he sobbed night after night. “I’m supposed to have what you have, mommy.”
Ivanka, when I saw that photo you posted recently of you and your five-year old daughter at the Supreme Court, I could tell you would have done exactly what I did next because you are a mother who wants her children to feel empowered. Yes, you, too, would have sought professional help. And I know you would have wept in relief, like I did, when you realized your child wasn’t doomed to a lifetime of misery but was simply transgender.
Just before his sixth birthday, our Samuel became our Sadie, and we watched a butterfly break free from a chrysalis. Naturally, it was not what my husband or I had imagined when we held our infant son in our arms and uttered the phrase, “That’s our boy!” Naturally, we went through a period of adjustment. But we always knew that our priority was our child’s happiness. And that is exactly what we have today: a happy child.

To the owner of this blog: heartfelt thanks for this posting.
😎
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Wonderful.
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A must read for all educators (and all others). Thanks for posting, Diane!
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It’s the cruel lack of empathy, the willful refusal to see through another person’s eyes that most angers me about those people now in power. Why are they so threatened by the idea of difference?
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This account comes from someone that I recently met:
I am a transgender girl. I was born a boy. I remember from the earliest age to want to look pretty and feminine. My parents said, “NO”, you’re a boy. I would cry and cry at the thought. I knew my parents didn’t understand.
Life got worse as I got older. Kids would make fun of me. I tried to look masculine but I knew my ploy wasn’t working. I got into a number of fights standing up for myself. I had had several thoughts of suicide.
Fortunately, when I was a teenager something different happened. I met a lady teacher who reached out to me with compassion and understanding. At last I would have someone who would understand. It was a huge relief.
As a young adult I went though the process of organ removal and I’ve never been happier. Believe children when they say who they are. They are the experts.
I am very grateful to that teacher who understood. She probably saved my life.
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Reblogged this on NANMYKEL.COM and commented:
Will Ivanka read this? I hope so.
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The problem for a lot of people probably comes down to locker rooms.
If you think about it, locker rooms have always been a place of clashing values: the school’s need for efficiency and thrift clashes with the individual’s need for privacy and modesty. What we do in high school locker rooms or communal showers (yes, some schools do still have communal showers), is pretty ridiculous. We take a bunch of kids who are middle school and high school age, during an age where they probably have body insecurity issues, we put them in a group of people that they have no control over, and we tell them: thou shalt undress in front of other people. Yes, most people have managed to get over this. But there have always, always, always been people who had concerns that were belittled or disregarded. These people who were uncomfortable with changing in front of others were told, “Why are you sexualizing this?” (it wasn’t ever about sex), or “This is healthy to be just in your underwear around other people!” High school locker rooms and community showers don’t even prepare us for adulthood cultural norms, as there are no places that adults are forced to go where they absolutely can’t get the privacy that they want.
Bottom line is: Kids in high school and middle school should have control over who sees them in their underwear. A grassroots movement to have “privacy for all who want it” in locker rooms could help solve both the current issues of transgender locker room rights, and the other issues that have really always been there.
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Thank you for posting this letter. I understand that Ivanka may have influenced her father NOT to include LGBT people in one of his discriminatory executive orders, so this letter may have a real possibility of touching Ivanka’s conscience through her heart.
But, just as with human-caused climate chaos and other inconvenient facts, the zealots, especially the regressive religious zealots such as Mike Pence and other Republicans, will refuse to accept that transgender or homosexual people are born that way because that fact conflicts with their biased, pre-scientific beliefs.
I taught in public schools for more than 32 years and believed that knowledge could help people change their minds. Now retired, after witnessing what has happened in this country since 2000, I am no longer certain of that belief.
See:
WHY FACTS DON’T CHANGE OUR MINDS
New discoveries about the human mind show the limitations of reason.
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/02/27/why-facts-dont-change-our-minds
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Ed: my view: some people are born with a gender identity, others are fluid.
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Diane, yes, there are those who are gender fluid, and also those who are not so much fluid (identifying as one or the other gender at various times) as they are nonbinary, or genderqueer, identifying with neither gender.
The variety of human sexual and gender identity and expression is astoundingly complex.
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We watched a butterfly break free from a chrysalis.
Beautifully written and important. I hope that it reaches Ivanka.
Several comments about this letter (on her blog) came from people who do not believe that expressions of gender identity in this narrative should be given so much parental empathy.
I wonder. Does any one have some research on the prevelance of DISBELIEF that gender identiy can develop at an early age and persist through adolescence into adulthood?
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This is letter is a really powerful testimony. I so feel for that little girl. I think most of us probably focus on the adult transgender individual and the discomfort of sharing a locker room with an individual with the physical appearance of the opposite sex. I imagine that entering a male locker room might be more difficult for the transgender individual for obvious reasons. I see the opposite problem in a women’s locker room although I seriously doubt sexual predators are going to race to dress in women’s clothing. (We don’t seem to be bothered by female sexual predators, H-m-m-m.) As a woman, I would wager that most of the girls I was forced to undress with feel the same way about communal nudity. In fact, I can’t ever remember a time in all my 60+ years that I would have chosen a communal shower. Now, I am getting up there and perhaps more of the younger generation does not share my hangups, but I can’t say that worrying about sexual predators ever occurred to me.
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I much appreciate the comments on this thread that bring up complications and subtleties. Reminds me of previous blogs and threads here dealing with violence in schools—student on student, student on staff, staff on student—and how there is no one-size-fits-all solution.
By no means an exhaustive list but among the things needed: experienced compassionate staff supported by admins and parents, transparency to the fullest extent possible, and varied physical facilities.
Which goes against the grain of corporate education reform in all its manifestations: as the “let’s tie profits to education” crowd would put it, where’s the $tudent $ucce$$ for a few [usually unaccountable to the public] owners/managers if you’re going to “throw money” at such wasteful areas as “expensive” staff and facilities?
Nope. Better for the bottom line if they can “symbolically” provide a genuine learning and teaching environment than “literally” provide it. Because, as they see it, holding them to their “truthful hyperbole” is just so so unfair when what’s important is “what’s in their hearts.”
Rheeally!
But not really…
😎
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Thank you so much for posting this Diane, and for the thoughtful responses so far. Our school district just released a statement about Trump’s Decision to Rescind Federal Protections for Transgender Students:
http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/press/index.aspx?page=showrelease&id=5026
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