The Onion is the best journal in the nation on the subject of education. With tongue in cheek, they see through the fraud of corporate reform.
In this article, the Onion reports that the Illinois State Department of Education set a new goal for teachers:
“In an effort to hold classroom instructors more accountable, the Illinois State Board of Education unveiled new statewide education standards Friday that require public school teachers to forever change the lives of at least 30 percent of their students. “Under our updated educator evaluation policy, teachers must make an unforgettable, lifelong impact on at least three of every 10 students and instill a love of learning in them that lasts the rest of their lives,” said chairman James Meeks, adding that based on the annual assessments, if 30 percent of students don’t recall a particular teacher’s name when asked to identify the most influential and inspiring person in their lives, that instructor would be promptly dismissed.”
Even better, teachers will be held accountable if more than 40% end up in prison.
Guess the Onion has been reading Raj Chetty.
Diane Ravitch's blog 
Hey, you, chetty chetty vam vam…
Yo, I own that, man!
Akademos on July 27, 2015 at 11:06 am
And Chetty Chetty VAM VAM
The flying heap of dung
Then I’m blaming my subconscious for copying.
Good job, it’s a catchy tune.
So the measurement for this would be…..ready?……the D-BLATA
Death-Bed Life Altering Teacher Assessment
Pearson can now take us cradle to grave for standardized testing.
I really want to reference this article in my dissertation…..do you think my committee would notice?????
They should not have printed this. Some politicians will take it seriously and make it law. They have come almost that far already.
Unheard of writer–Death-Bed Life Altering Teacher Assessment
This is really a zapper for me. I received a letter forwarded from a friend. It was intended for a teacher who had died several years earlier. The letter was a tribute to her from a former student, for changing his life, literally, in grade 5.
This transformative experience happened in a week-long lesson on social justice and the workings of the jury system. This student’s peers elected him to serve as the judge. He and the class were coached on the whole apparatus of a jury trial.
He has spent his life, not as a lawyer, but an architect and environmental planner…at the time the letter was written, with First Nations people. He had learned not to pre-judge anything or any person;
And they’re short of teachers now? This doesn’t seem like a way to encourage people to enter the teaching profession.
I would have had second thoughts, that’s for sure!
Ah, the Onion, glad to rediscover it. Scroll down to ‘New Drinkable Book Could Provide Millions with Clean Water’ for this ‘review’:
“I don’t understand. It doesn’t sound like there’s any profit to be made off this at all.”
Toby Wendell
Infant Counselor