It is getting harder and harder to separate parody from reality. In this post, The Onion tell us of a new report from the U.S. Department of Education urging online education for 3- and 4-year-olds. It is almost too close to the reality to be funny. You could read it in your local newspaper and believe it.
This is too uncomfortably close to reality:
WASHINGTON—Saying the option is revolutionizing the way the nation’s 3- and 4-year-olds prepare for the grade school years ahead, a Department of Education report released Thursday confirmed that an increasing number of U.S. toddlers are now attending online preschool. “We found that a growing number of American toddlers are eschewing the traditional brick-and-mortar preschools in favor of sitting down in front of a computer screen for four hours a day and furthering their early psychosocial development in a virtual environment,” said the report’s author, Dr. Stephen Forrest, who said that the affordability and flexibility characteristic of online pre-primary education are what make the option most appealing, allowing young children to learn their shapes and colors on a schedule that works best for them. “With access to their Show-And-Tell message boards, recess timers, and live webcams of class turtle tanks, most toddlers are finding that they can receive the same experience of traditional preschooling from the comfort of their parents’ living room or home office.
There is more. Read it all.
Reblogged this on Kmareka.com and commented:
The Onion: where reality and satire sometimes collide…
Reblogged this on David R. Taylor-Thoughts on Texas Education.
Seriously? They’re developing their psychosocial skills online? I thought that you needed to be around actual people to work on those. Hmm…
Too many Posts and emails Diane.
Fewer have more power. You are inundating us with too much information.
Please lessen the noise.
Unsubscribe and just access the site. You control it then.
one does not have to read every post, but the conversations here are unlike any others, and I read the ones at Oped News, which are very rich, but seem to avoid any about education… I wish some of you would comment there when I cross post Diane’s blogs.
Susan,
I’ve been reading it since you mentioned it but not responding.
Thanks for the reference!
Duane
I appreciate it, Duane. Sometimes, I feel as if Ia m spitting in the wind, but when people like you, Lloyd, Robert and others tell me they are reading my ‘stuff,’ even though I am a ‘mere’ teacher (hee, hee) I am encouraged to continue.
Thanks.
Reblogged this on peakmemory and commented:
See yesterday’s post about on-line learning.
USDOE non-educator ‘educators’ probably figured out that little children, who are forced earlier and earlier to attend a Forced March PrePreK Program, are not toilet trained, active, sleepy, hungry, cry, throw tantrums, snuggle, carry blankies, have binkies and an entire long list of age appropriate needs….which interfere with the Forced March PrePreK Arne’s Adulterated Scared Straight CCSS March-till-you-drop Grit2Grits Dare-Not-Be-Behind expectations……..are most likely best served at home at a computer screen. This new program is called: Leave your needy PrePreK kidlets at home, but send us their scores. BTW, teachers who are not teaching these little ones are still responsible for their scores and will be Vamed!
Arne is still working on how to punish parents for having produced children who are so…dare I say….such age appropriate PrePreK children. Remember his Suburban Moms comment? He means every word of it & more.
Hide our children!
Kinder transport 2014 – US style.
The correct spelling of Vamed is Vamned!
Propaganda or plan? Really, executives are bringing their kids to work and putting them in front of laptops for 4 hours? 4 hours total, or with “recess” and “storytime” and turtle gazing is it just a replacement for the all-day-long t.v. babysitter? I cannot imagine someone with money would go this route–as evidenced by private preschools in Hoboken, NJ, where NANNIEs drop off/pick up kids, and their parents have the financial means to keep the kids at home in front of a screen.
Nor can I imagine someone in dire financial straights being able to take their kid to work at Burger King and sit it at a counter while computer pre-school takes the place of brick and morter/human interaction. Or a secretary, or an electrician, or a single parent, etc. Ummm, how does that computer pre-school teach kids to socialize? I think the Gateses of the world would be terribly happy if everyone sat in a closet with a laptop, provided by the government, lessons provided by the government, and the ability to track every movement. Data mining heaven. I don’t buy this for one second. Its propaganda, but as Michael Jackson sang “the lie becomes the truth.”
While it may be a parody, I’ll bet you that someone at Ed is seriously circulating this article. What an ingenious way of prepping toddlers to be college and career ready – and is another revenue stream that needs to be tapped into. Sheer brilliance all-around. A real “win-win” solution! I give it a year.
I hear one reformy type say “he will have an opportunity for a nap”….. I guess that is along with the opportunities to plug into the wall with the electric wire …. Bettelheim had a case study of a little boy one time that actually wanted to do that and thought that he could…. I’ll have to look up the Bettelheim case book.
With sites like “ABC Mouse.com” being promoted by some early educators, this article is much to close to reality. I try to keep my kids off of the computer because I think human interaction is paramount and they will see enough screen time over the course of their lives. Don’t get me wrong, the computer can be a good additional tool for young learners, but it cannot take the place of sitting and learning together. This article made me laugh.
OK. SOMEONE needs to get to the American Academy of Pediatrics, or the State Department of Health, or anyone who will be able to sound the warning alarms and help put a stop to this insanity.
Put a stop to the Onion?
It must be tough for writers and editors at The Onion: how can parody ever keep up with reality?
It must be tough for Arne Duncan to keep up with parody.
Book lady, do you think he knows what parody is?
Since word is that the US DOE monitors this website, I urge one and all not to give Arne Duncan any excuse for coming up with another federal program drawn from Onion parodies—
Because when they read that stuff, they take it seriously.
Rheeally!
And it really hurts when they do…
😡
Coming soon to a place near you: version 1.0 named No Pre-K’s Behind Left, er, No Pre-K Left Behind, to be followed by version 2.0, Race To The Sandbox.
They’ll soon learn that “grit” and “determination” and 70% fail rates are not just for the big kids…
😧
KrazyTA,
I am real glad they are monitoring our comments and responding to our concerns!
(Sarcasm Alert)
The folks at The Onion have had to adjust their editorial style because the absurdity of our current reality has leapfrogged past what was once some rather clever snark on their part. As it stands now, they have little choice but to publish articles that closely mirror the abject stupidity of public policy in America. For The Onion, the articles almost write themselves these days. and they often are indistinguishable from actual news stories. If Alfred E. Newman was alive he’d be saying, “Yeah, now I’m worried.”
My favorite post here about an Onion article was that the DOE was concerned that high school graduates were ill prepared for high school. If we change the statement slightly to say that graduates from some high schools are ill prepared to to be freshman in other high schools (I had well regarded traditional high schools like New Trier in mind here, not qualified admission public magnet schools) I think it describes what we do see in the world.
Yesterday’s elections were enough to tell me that I am living in a fantasy world.
I would believe this if I read it in the newspaper.
As comedian Lewis Black opines: “I took acid when I was younger just to be prepared for times like now.”
Hee, hee. Love Lewis, and you. I think I would go crazy if it were not for people like you whom I met in cyber-space and in this teacher’s room!
I have to admit, that there IS another man in my life, at Oped… you should tune into Dan Geery… an ex teacher… BRILLIANT… wait until you read what he has done (besides run for the senate in Utah).
http://www.opednews.com/author/author1198.html
This is wrong on so many levels. Preschoolers need to learn about the world through their senses, and a two dimensional world, even with great graphics, is no substitute.
“Play is the work of the child.” – Maria Montessori
“Play is the highest form of research.” – Albert Einstein
“It is a happy talent to know how to play.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Play gives children a chance to practice what they are learning.” – Mr. Rogers
Young children need the freedom to explore; a constructivist approach develops the brain as well as the body!
Of course. that is why it is SATIRE.
WHAT WORRIES ME is that it could get reflagged as TRUTH.
Satire?
None of us would have believed the Tsunami created by NCLB & RTTT & ToxicTesting & GatesGutting of Public Schools, etc., etc…..
It is unbelievable and unacceptable for educated civilized 21st Century caring people. But, yet, we allow it to continue.
Not a stretch at all to pluck & harm PrePreK children to make more $M.
They do it because they can & we all allow it.
Fordham Institute is probably partying as we speak.
Their favorite skit is most likely Hänsel & Gretel.
Sick!
“SAT ire”
SAT-ire from D. Coleman
Has set the world on end
So satire from the Onion
Is now reality’s trend
Speaking of articles that are hard to believe, I missed this last month when it was published in Bloomberg Businessweek: http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2014-10-02/hardwires-armored-whiteboards-defend-against-school-shootings. Unfortunately this is a REAL article…. Better buy your bulletproof underwear now while supplies last!
Someone was marketing and selling bullet proof back packs. I did a quick search and this is one of many sites:
http://www.bulletblocker.com/bullet-proof-backpack-shield.html
Isn’t it sad that the writers at the Onion are more aware of what is going on in education “reform” than many mainstream media “education reporters?”
Am I the only one out here that thinks that all these computer “programs” could be causing our children’s brains to be “wired” differently than let’s say a NORMAL, slower, less overly- stimulating, quieter experience for early learning? I also think about subliminal things that are in the programs that kids that young watch. After being in the classroom through several generations of kids, it is unnerving to see the differences of attention span, behaviors, etc. Couples with all of the other environmental issues I think we have created “a perfect storm” for lots of our neediest kids. Any thoughts anyone?
I used to run a pediatric early intervention program for little ones born to mothers in poverty, with drug addiction – ‘crack babies’, failure to thrive children, disabilities, etc. When the intervention teams talked about the children and their needs, not once did we ignore the children’s circumstances and we successfully managed to provide support teams which included social workers, SLPs, psychiatrists, psychologists, OTs & PTs and teachers.
WE NEVER BLAMED TEACHERS FOR THE CHILDREN’S CIRCUMSTANCES AND SLOW PROGRESS!
Never occurred that this could be considered a solution to the problems. Ludicrous! The weather, moon phases, and the latest fashions also had nothing to do with intervening and supporting those children.
Arne and Co. are absolutely on a track to $M for themselves and their BillionaireBoysClub. Never, Ever has it been about children.
Heads up! Those little ones I described are still here and still need support. Testing the he** out of them, providing no support services, and firing their teachers is not working.
But, we are talking to CorpProfiteers who wished these kids would just disappear, and when they didn’t, making $M off them was the next best thing.
Sick & Evil!
…very much agree – less attention span – more students on the spectrum.
My reply below goes with this post.
Okay – above post.
This is not to far off from real life. The Small Business Innovation Research in Special Education from the National Center for Special education offers grants for up 1 million bucks for innovative tech for infants,toddlers and prek to use on tabkets, pc s etc.http://ies.ed.gov/ncser/projects/program.asp?ProgID=77