In response to President Obama’s proposal to connect every classroom and use software that will enable every teacher to know what every student is thinking at all times, Michael Fiorillo has another idea:

“I applaud President Obama’s desire for oversight of young people’s brains, but his proposal doesn’t go nearly far enough.

“My edu-venture will remedy the shortcomings of bio-exterior technology, and guarantee a miraculous solution to the achievement gap.

“My super-miniaturized wifi receivers, combined with my patented KiddieChipsFirst technology, will allow Pearson to download its tests and product placements directly into the cerebrums of our most valuable assets, and allow our developing human capital to upload their responses, so that remotely-sited “teachers know what is going on in the student’s brains.”