Over the past few days, there has been a lively discussion about the rights and responsibilities of parents.
This was occasioned by a letter I posted by a teacher, who said that parents don’t always know what is best for their children and that some parents are irresponsible.
After this post appeared on a homeschooling website, and perhaps others as well, I received many comments making outlandish accusations, in effect, saying that I thought parents were abusive, irresponsible, and incompetent.
For starters, I would like to point out that I frequently reprint letters by other people expressing their views. Their letters may or may not reflect my own views.
Since many writers asked me to state my views about parents, I will do so here.
I am a parent. I had three children, two of whom are now grown. One of my children died of leukemia many years ago. I now have three grandchildren.
As a parent and grandparent, I don’t believe that any government official or teacher cares more or knows more about my children than I do. Other parents, I am sure, feel the same.
Every important decision about children should be made first and above all by their parents.
Parents know best what their children need.
The government has an obligation to provide a free education in a public school to all children.
If parents choose to homeschool their children, they have a right to do so.
If parents choose to send their children to a private or religious school, they have a right to do so.
Government cannot take away their right to make those decisions.
The government does not have an obligation to pay for religious or private schooling for any child.
The only time that the government has an obligation to step in and negate parental rights is when children are abused and harmed by neglectful parents.
It is rare that it happens, but it does happen, and children’s health and safety must be protected.
To be sure, there are exceptions to the generalizations stated above:
A medical doctor knows more about the child’s health than his or her parents.
A teacher usually knows more about math or science or history or foreign languages than the child’s parents.
But make no mistake: Parents are their children’s most important educators.
Parents shape the attitudes, values and behavior of their children.
And parents–not the state– have the primary responsibility to raise up their children as good and decent people.
Diane Ravitch's blog 
My thoughts exactly!
Not sure why those thoughts are so hard for some to comprehend.
I think people often get caught up in the passion of their cause, and if one is not confident with the bearer of the commentary, it is easy to frame issues with a defensive posture at first. Defensive responses come from reactionary thinking.
We’ve all heard stories where someone says, “Excuse me,” after bumping into another person at a bar, and the other person starts a fight anyway. It’s all in how the first person is perceived. This analogy isn’t exactly perfect in that Diane did not bump anyone–she was presenting a topic for discussion, yet she was perceived as an enemy by many who posted, and they wanted to bring their fight to her “living room.”
Diane did not deserve the web-bashing she received regarding the original post, but I think there is far more to this reaction than that one post. I have been reading much of what has been said on other web sites, and she has been labeled as an enemy of many of the people whose commentary populates these sites–perhaps it is because she is carrying a torch for public education and they are not. Unfortunately, some folks often cannot separate points in one discussion from points in other discussions when they are blinded by intense sentiment.
Diane, thank you for always taking the high road. Truth is the sword that slays the dragon of propaganda, and you never back down from your convictions. Your actions are a model for us all. This whole exercise has taught us nothing if not this: People on all sides of the issue are paying attention to the work you do, and despite all the negativity, bringing your steady, wise, and tolerant voice to this issue can only be a good thing. Do not be deterred by ignorance–fight it.
P.S. Please remind me when I’m getting too “passionate” and forgetting to think clearly, too. 🙂
Thanks Diane, It is amazing to me how fast the conversation gets hijacked by those with an agenda to trash public education. I have stated before and will repeat it. Parents and educators must work together in partnership. It is the most productive way for our students to benefit from an education. It bothers me to hear disrespect directed toward either teachers, parents, or students.
As an educator I feel it should always be our position to be positive role models. Others may disagree, but I hope that those students and adults who I have worked with over the years have felt respected by me. No matter what behavior I am faced with, I always try to react in a positive way. Believe me, I am faced with these situations daily. I have had to learn this, over the years, because it isn’t always easy when you are faced with negative or disrespectful behavior. But I can say that a positive, respectful reaction almost always turns the situation around. A negative reaction almost always results in an escalation of the problem.
Thanks Diane, for being such a positive role model for us. I hope that we, as educators, are able to keep the fight for public education going in a positive direction, with positive results. It’s not easy when we are faced with such negative and false media reports, and especially negative parent reactions. We need to turn the tide back to a respect for educators.
And responsible parents seek professionals to help them in their task of parenting, just as they do in other spheres of their lives.
@Alan
I agree completely. Whether parents ALWAYS know best is not the point. The vast majority of parents try to DO what’s best for their children…and that sometimes means getting professional help in a variety of life areas including education.
The “problem” with education is not “bad parents” any more than it’s “bad teachers.” It’s a foolish parent who doesn’t listen to their children’s teachers…it’s a foolish teacher who doesn’t listen to their students’ parents. Just like with our colleagues….cooperation, collaboration and support produces the greatest rewards.
Diane, thanks again for your clarity and calm through what must have been a difficult week. Your small manifesto looks so obvious, when it is quietly laid out.
Unfortunately, the conversation also gets hijacked by those with an agenda to attack low-income families, and working class parents in general, with false and degrading stereotypes. When that happens, it undermines the teachers who serve the majority of honorable inner city residents and uneducated, but nonetheless dedicated, low-income parents. It undermines our support for the struggles of real people to attain fair and just education opportunities for their own children, and it undermines the struggle of teachers to provide one.
It reinforces the political drive to destroy public education, with the underlying argument that economically stressed Americans can disinvest in the education of the “hopeless” poor, and save their own children by setting up willfully exclusive institutions.
Commentators have to be careful not to let their own “side” do that in the name of the teaching profession. Notice that the opponents of public schooling readily join in on such denunciations; its their bread and butter, after all.
Two decades ago, I subbed in a Boston high school with a newly appointed minority principal (it was Juliet Johnson, in fact). Court ordered busing had desegregated the students, but not the entrenched teaching corps, and some older teachers really did maintain a mutually reinforcing culture of bitterness, racial prejudice, and resentment. The generation parenting today’s Boston students suffered those attitudes as children.
Their trust isn’t automatic, especially considering the concerted attack their own children now face. Colleagues, let’s build trust with the families we serve, and earn it, and cherish it. When family support does break under the onslaught of violence or drugs or despair, there is a whole community in place that knows it, and tries to come to the rescue of its own children. Reach out to them, and lets add our voices to theirs.
Well said chemtchr. I wish I was as gifted as you in speaking about the reality of our students and families in poverty. Your sentiments hold just as true here in Louisiana as they do in Boston. I’m sure it is the same story in many places across our nation.
Louisiana has very high child poverty. Governor Jindal will address it with school choice.
Diane Ravitch
Well said, Diane.
I have not been following the kerfluffle over the original comment, but I think the answer is somewhere in the middle.
The Teacher/Parent relationship works best, when each side of that relationship respects the particular understanding that the other brings. There are areas that a parent would do best to trust a teacher– which calculus problems to assign over a given weekend or whether it’s really fair to move Johnny’s seat away from his best buddy Karim.
The “Parents Always Know Best” has the word always in it, which is an impediment to successful communication and decision making.
However, even in those areas where a teacher is likely to know best, a parent’s inputs should be completely heard out and also shared with administrators and guidance for a second opinion. In fact, this should be one of the primary activities of the administrator’s office.
Both “sides” should be able to hear each other out and make compromises on their positions, and even experiment with an idea that might not appeal to them at first.
One of the most dire results in the current shifts in attitudes on education and about teachers is the distrust of teachers’ opinions. Teachers have had to deal with hard charging parents who blame them for everything and parents have become insulted by teachers’ attempts to defend areas of decision making that were once unquestioned.
Neither unquestioned power of teachers nor a “customer is always right” power of parents and guardians is healthy for an individual student, a class, a school, or a nation.
There is no reason that both voices cannot be held in utmost respect. Complete two way communication with an expectation of compromise does not imply disrespect or mistrust. They constitute the opposite of mistrust.
….and I would emmend the “would” in the 2nd paragraph to “might.” A parent might have some important reason why Karim and Johnny should remain sitting together, (or any other issue) and a teacher should of course hear these things out. This is my point.
I am not a parent but I do agree completely. Parents do know best, even if they make us scream!!
If you would have worded the 2nd paragraph differently and transitioned into the 3rd paragraph more clearly, you wouldn’t have had so many negative comments aimed toward you to “Do Parents Really Know What’s Best.” And probably wouldn’t have had so many comments, for that matter.
Perhaps instead of beginning the 2nd paragraph with, “This Louisiana teacher disagrees…” It would have been more clear to have written, “One teacher from Louisiana disagreed. And she wrote the following response.” Because when I first read it, I thought it was you who “disagrees” and that you were referring to yourself in the 3rd person, as some do when they want emphasis on their opinions before an audience. The verbs in the paragraph were in the present tense, which reinforced that perception.
Until LG or someone else brought it to my attention, I wouldn’t have known that “This Lousiana teacher” was actually someone else, a certain teacher from Louisiana. I have reread it several times and I can still see how it can be confusing (I still don’t like the feces part and skipped over that in the rereadings).
But responding down the line that homeschool parents who commented have vitriol and wondering what values they’re instilling in their children; those were negative words that continued to fan the flame of the emotionally charged topic and title. I didn’t feel that what I wrote was vitriolic. And I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings if I did. If anything, LG and BigKid have earned my respect.
I am glad that you shared your own personal views about the topic on this post about what you think of parents. It was calm and peaceful–healing. And it was well written with clarity. Thank you very much.
Strange how you feel the public schooling has to be run by government bureaucrats and union teachers. You just cannot stand the idea of the money following the child to the school that best fits the parent’s desires and the children’s needs. In your world, the SCHOOL HAS TO BE RUN BY GOVERNMENT, that is where you are so very wrong. Government runs nothing well, never has and never will. Why shouldn’t publicly run schools have to compete with privately run schools. Are you union activists really that much more interested in protecting government jobs and failing tenure rules versus demanding what is best for the kids?
Allen, I Can’t speak for anyone else, but I am not interested in protecting government jobs and I could care less about tenure. More interested in protecting public school children from the charter school profit mongers who line their pockets with money meant for educating children, while the teachers are poorly paid and classrooms poorly equipped, as they currently are in New Orleans charter schools. If you have taught in a high poverty school then I might be inclined to care about your opinion. Otherwise, you haven’t a clue. Research shows that charter schools who take in similar children as those in public schools have similar results. Public schools educate ALL students who walk through their doors. They aren’t allowed to pick and choose like charter schools do. Schools should NOT be for profit. They should be a public service. End of story.
You obviously do not understand how government systems work. A citizen cannot just “pick and choose” what part of their tax money they would like to go to which programs. No money should “follow” any child. You must believe that childless taxpayers have no stake in public education yet they should pay into it, so where is THEIR cut of the tax money? They cannot get it back for their use either. The “per pupil” funding that you believe “belongs” to each student actually belongs to the populace–it is not for parents to use as they see fit. Your argument is just as ridiculous as saying that the amount of money allocated to the police department in your municipality per citizen can be given back to any citizen who chooses to use it for private security. Your argument is without merit.
Also it’s clear that you have some misinformation about unions judging from you comments. Unions do not “protect” government jobs. Unions protect the right to due process so that people are not fired for purely political reasons, and unions aid in the negotiation process.
Teachers in Indiana don’t have due process anymore thanks to the governor, his superintendent of public instruction and his colleagues in the legislature. No more due process…and only certain topics allowed for collective bargaining.
Is there a lawsuit pending?