Andy Borowitz is a humorist who writes for “The New Yorker.” You can sign up for the Borowitz Report and receive it free in your inbox almost every day.
Here is his latest, which demonstrates how close satire is to reality.
PEOPLE WHO CAN STILL AFFORD TO LIVE IN NEW YORK PRAISE BLOOMBERG
Borowitz describes a farewell dinner for Bloomberg, as follows:
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Harland Dorrinson, principal owner of the hedge fund Garrote Capital, hosted a black-tie dinner in the vault of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York to pay tribute to a mayor who, in Mr. Dorrinson’s words, “put living in New York out of the reach of everyone except the deserving few.”
To a lot of people, Mike Bloomberg will be remembered for reducing smoking and improving people’s diets,” said Mr. Dorrinson. “But that shouldn’t overshadow his greatest accomplishment, creating unaffordable housing throughout New York.”
“When Mike took office, this city was teeming with regular working people,” Mr. Dorrinson said, shuddering at the memory. “Today, it’s a magnificent tapestry of investment bankers, real-estate developers, and Russian oligarchs.”
The hedge-fund owner is such a fan of Mr. Bloomberg’s, in fact, that he has only one bone to pick with him: that he left office too soon “to finish the job.”
“There are still a few pockets in the city where, regrettably, the middle class seems to be hanging on,” he said. “The rent is too damn low.”
As for Mr. Bloomberg’s critics, Mr. Dorrinson was philosophical: “I know there are some people who think Mike was terrible for New York, that he took a city rich with diversity and ruined it. But fortunately, they all live somewhere else now.”
Glad Bloomberg is gone. He’s a sad, empty person who needs adulation at any cost.
Don’t be so dispositive.
I think he would be of enormous use at any one of hundreds of Starbucks located in NY City. . . . . But who will be the one to push him – all of him – into the coffee grinder? . . . .
Full speed . . . . .
Eli Broad editorial in the LA Times: It’s not a sin to be rich…
http://www.latimes.com/opinion/commentary/la-oe-1227-riordan-broad-wealth-20131227,0,575925.story#axzz2pBBLRPBH
Great. Billionaires’ motives are pure, their hearts are right and they are oh so generous. Just ask them.
The Broad editorial is self serving to the point of being embarrassing..
Eli doesn’t get it. His sin isn’t being rich, his sin is the destruction he using his riches to inflict on others. Satan couldn’t choose a better sidekick than an arrogant, proud rich person.
Satan did choose someone.
Her name is Michelle Rhee.
Satan has his posse, that’s for sure.
Also, if you feel the need to write an editorial defending your wealth, that might be a red flag that even you know you’re doing something wrong. Eli’s money lies to him and tells him to ignore anyone who disagrees with him.
Eli Broad won’t live forever and when he dies, millions will be glad to see the power his money gave him to destroy lives stripped from him forever.
If the world is better off without you–if untold numbers of students and parents and teachers are suffering because of you–that’s pretty bad.
Throughout history, only a relative handful of people have been able to cause the suffering of thousands. Eli Broad and Bill Gates are 2 of them.
I can think of a few more people who caused suffering. Of millions and millions.
It is when I am confronted by the debauchery of a person like Harland Dorrinson that I wish I believed in the idea of a just god and a retributory hell.
Hi Diane, I took some time out -from reading all (or most) of your compelling blogs that give such a complete picture of the mess in public education throughout the country (but I do see some “light at the end of the tunnel”) to write a review of Mark Naison’s new book,BADASS TEACHERS UNITE! Since you are an illustrious member ( I am a member too but not quite as illustrious), I had to laugh readingyour blog about joining such an association with this name-because we belong to the older generation, but Badass Teachers Association does say it all! Mark’s book is coming out in May and I hope it does well. Below is my review-which Mark seemed to like. I hope you do too because we are of the same ilk! I hope you are well and happy and that you continue to do your enormous part to save public school education!
Janet Mayer.Bronx teacher and author of AS BAD AS THEY SAY? Three Decades of Teaching in theBronx