This is one of the
funniest satires of current education thinking that I
have read in a long time. It was written by Russ Walsh of Rider
University. Russ describes the development of a new assessment
program for toddlers, to determine if they are career-and -college
ready The acronym for the new program is TIT for TAT. No experts in
early childhood education were involved in developing the new
assessments. They were annoying. They asked too many questions.
Read and enjoy!
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As a former early childhood and parent educator I particularly enjoyed this Sunday morning laugh! Thanks, I really needed that… 🙂
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And this:
These students, known as Toilet Trainers for America (TTFA), received five weeks of toilet training over the summer, so they could effectively monitor the exam.
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: )
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“Buoyed by the success of the development of the TIT, PARCC has begun preliminary investigation into in utero college and career readiness testing”
There are more populations left untested if they skip from toddlers straight to in utero, as well as many more training jobs for young, enthusiastic new college grads:
Teat Trainers for America could be preparing and testing newborns on mammary reliance.
Later, Teat Weaners for America could be training and testing infants for those critical college and career skills of bottle and cup dependence.
And don’t forget the all important preconception and precoitus Pre-Parent Trainers for America. They could be preparing and testing would-be parents on improved mate matching and gene selection in the Better Babies for America program.
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Well it looks like the in utero tests are well underway. Check out the sonogram!
http://studentslast.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-tiniest-test-takers.html
The Tiniest Test Takers
New York City – Pearson PLC, the world’s leading learning company, announced a multi-million dollar deal with New York City’s Department of Education that will allow the company to begin administering standardized tests to the city’s youngest students – fetuses.
Flanked by both Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Chancellor of Education Dennis Walcott, Pearson CEO Marjorie Scardino gushed, “We couldn’t be more excited about this development.”
Ms. Scardino explained to reporters how Pearson scientists used nano technology to create tiny number two pencils that can be placed into a woman’s uterus. “If you look very closely, you can see that we have been able to provide the fetus with a bubble test and a number two pencil,” boasted Scardino while pointing to a sonogram.
Scientists associated with the project agree that the new development is quite a feat. “Shrinking the pencil wasn’t too difficult,” explains Dr. Tisch Benito. “But creating test booklets and bubble sheets that are resistant to amniotic fluid, well that took a good deal of effort.”
Benito describes the testing process, “Testing materials are injected into the mother’s uterus utilizing the same needles employed during amniocentesis. Then we guide the materials into the fetus’ hands using probes and prod it to take the exam. We give the unborn about an hour to complete the test and then we suction the materials out through the needle. The only problems we have encountered are fetuses who refuse to take the exam and fetuses who eat the pencils.”
Asked by one reporter if standardized testing of the unborn was perhaps “ridiculous” the mayor responded irately, “You can never test too early or too often.”
When asked to comment on this new DOE initiative, United Federation of Teachers President Michael Mulgrew responded with a question of his own, “How many more days until the next mayoral election?”
Reality Alert:
Interested in how we came to write this? Read the Testing Insanity in NY, Connecticut Adds New Tests for Kindergarten, 1 and 2 Grades as well as comments associated with piece. Also Florida Gets Tough on 5-Year-Olds.
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Had a good laugh over this.
Of course, the rest of the country should be hooting the developers of the CCSS in ELA and of these new tests off the national stage. That will happen, of course, in time. But a lot of damage will be done first.
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Thanks for the laugh!
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I would be laughing if this wasn’t an issue that has spanned several decades in my area. Many have noted how the Common Core standards were written from the end-game perspective, establishing desired outcomes for high school graduates who are ready for college and careers, and then pushed that down into prior grades without regard to developmental appropriateness. We can thank Paul Vallas and Arne Duncan for this, because like so much of what passes for education “reform” today, that, too, has its roots with them in Chicago.
In the 90s and early 2000s, the Illinois State Goals for learning identified the outcomes for high school students and those of us in Early Childhood Education were tasked with crafting lesson plans for children as young as three years old that addressed goals like, “Read with understanding and fluency,” “Write to communicate for a variety of purposes” and “Use algebraic and analytical methods to identify and describe patterns and relationships in data, solve problems, and predict results.”
CPS ultimately developed the Chicago Academic Standards and Curriculum Framework Statements for K-8, which were developmentally appropropriate, reflected a spiraling curriculum and demonstrated how to link standards for K-3 with these broad state goals for high school students –which made lesson planning and implementation easier for teachers of those ages.
However, our state did not have any standards for preschoolers whatsoever at the time, so teachers of those ages had to figure that out themselves –which was not an easy task. So, Early Childhood Teacher Educators provided a lot of guidance with this, such as by pointing out how teachers could use developmental milestones to guide them in identifying benchmarks for when skills could be expected to emerge with most children. Meanwhile, Early Childhood specialists across the state took action and worked on crafting Early Learning Standards, which came out around 2006 –so that had been about a decade long challenge for PreK teachers…
It’s so unfortunate that the “architects” of the Common Core omitted P-8 teachers and Teacher Educators from the table and followed the lead of Vallas and Duncan instead.
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I am strongly considering early retirement in order to pursue a second career as a blastula tutor.
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Well kindergarten sweeties who still like to sing “Where is Thumbkin?” so they can learn to snap properly (“roll down Pointer for a nap, tall man and thumb make the snap!”) are not that far removed from preschool and this madness is already imposed on them. So to me this is funny, but painfully close to home.
Those sweet little bitties need to be led with wonder and discovery. Not constant IPad assessments.
Sweet babies. It all makes this mama sad.
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Reblogged this on Transparent Christina.
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