Lenore Skenazy wrote this article in the Washington Post. Her advice to helicopter parents: Give up! Relax! Let the children play and figure things out. It is a welcome antidote to the policy wonks who are predicting that American children need constant academic pressure, more testing, more worksheets, held back a grade, or face a life of failure.
Skenazy is an advocate of “Free-Range Parenting.”
She writes:
The idea that parents have to enrich every second of their kids’ lives was a crazy lie even before the coronavirus. Kids never needed all that parental stimulation and all those teachable moments.
You know how Einstein spent much of his time as a kid? He made houses of cards. Just imagine young Albert, the little loser, balancing cards and learning absolutely nothing. Except … well … patience … and concentration … and physics.
The point being not that you should run out and get your offspring a deck of cards so they can win the Nobel Prize before school starts up again. (Don’t run out for anything!) The point being that kids have always been bored, and they’ve always come up with things that seem like a total waste of time to adults — I’m looking at you, slime! — but maybe aren’t. Many are the parents right now who are worried their kids are turning into “Call of Duty” fanatics. Okay, perhaps I am worried one of my sons is turning into a “Call of Duty” fanatic now that his college classes have switched to pass/fail.
But is that terrible? Nothing is interesting to kids — or any of us — if it’s not at least a little challenging. So even if a kid is working on his “kill/death ratio” (sigh), he is learning focus, frustration tolerance and how to make alliances. Those are transferable skills — not wasted hours. Video games are absorbing because they turn kids on, not off.
Coronavirus has parents and families self-quarantining with their children. So don’t worry about those.
Don’t worry, either, if a child seems to be slacking off in the homework department. Think back on how much you loved summer vacation. Wasn’t it a huge relief to finally not worry about grades and tests?
Before covid-19, childhood anxiety levels were going through the roof. In a 2018 Pew Research Center survey, 70 percent of teens said anxiety and depression were “major problems among their peers.” Now children have, basically, a long, strange, twisted vacation. Yes, for many, school is continuing, but it’s not taking the same number of hours, and all their after-school activities are off, too. This opens up a vast swath of free time that many children and teens have never had before. It can turn into a period of growth — mentally and emotionally.
Though not every youngster will become an Einstein while quarantining, many seem to be turning into the kids they would have been if they’d grown up a generation or two earlier, with more time to discover their real interests and hobbies (remember those days?), before childhood got so structured and busy.
So, don’t worry that everyone else’s children are making fabulous “Les Misérables” parodies while yours is hitting his brother with the webcam. You can shower your child with construction paper and glue sticks, but if she hates arts and crafts, she probably won’t emerge from quarantine an artistic genius. (Just like I stocked up on lentils. Why? I am not suddenly a vegan. I should have stocked up on chicken thighs.)
What I mean is: It’s all okay. Our kids are not going to seed even if they are sleeping, gaming and bingeing on YouTube. In fact, they’re growing, simply because kids are always growing and learning from everything — houses of cards, Nerf guns, Barbies, baths, videos, but most of all from that vital resource more rare and precious than toilet paper: free time. My advice for would-be coronavirus helicopters? Think of the quarantine as an AP class in chilling. You can help your kids ace it by stepping back.
“Before covid-19, childhood anxiety levels were going through the roof. In a 2018 Pew Research Center survey, 70 percent of teens said anxiety and depression were “major problems among their peers.” Now children have, basically, a long, strange, twisted vacation. Yes, for many, school is continuing, but it’s not taking the same number of hours, and all their after-school activities are off, too. This opens up a vast swath of free time that many children and teens have never had before. It can turn into a period of growth — mentally and emotionally.”
Why do I have the feeling this writer does not have young (or middle-school or even high-school) children? Not buying the pep talk. My children are not experiencing mental and emotional growth. They are deeply depressed and anxious because they’re locked inside with their parents, can’t play sports, and are very lonely. There is no silver lining to this, especially for those in cramped spaces.
I agree with what Teacher Tom has to say here. I think the mental health crisis is far too overlooked and may pose almost as big a danger as the COVID and economic crises.
http://teachertomsblog.blogspot.com/2020/04/i-am-not-afraid-i-am-afraid.html
Good post. I’d depart only slightly from Teacher Tom. I am not afraid of the virus, but I am very afraid about the economy and the mental health crisis that I think is brewing and being overlooked by most. And I’m terrified to see the state of things if lockdowns are continued through May.
I have zero sense of humor about this. My family is not well. I am definitely not well. And although we’re locked in a box in the epicenter of all this (I personally have been at home for six weeks), there are so many families and kids (and remember that kids themselves are at negligible risk from the virus–the lockdowns are not about protecting children) who are in much worse positions. They probably aren’t cracking jokes about quarantine weight gain or Netflix binging, or tweeting about how we need to do whatever is necessary to “flatten the curve.”
I agree with your disagreement. If we had reasonable leadership (from either party, frankly), I could weather the economic crisis if I had a shred of hope that the government would take care of citizens before corporations, but I don’t.
The daughter of one of my good friends runs her own consultancy company called “Naturally Curious Children.” She has an MA fro NYU in early childhood education. I have enjoyed her many posts for hands-on activities for young children on social media. She uses mostly hand-made and natural items to teach sorting, symmetry etc,, and her approach is “Reggio” inspired. She has two boys of her own. The other day she posted a picture of her eight year old making a stir fry for dinner. He had a big santoku knife in his hands, and he was slicing and dicing an onion with impressive skill. This little boy is very interested in cooking, and he never would have acquired the skills had he not been guided and allowed to develop his interest.
Well, Darwin would say that those children who did not develop the knifewielding skills are no longer around.
“even if a kid is working on his “kill/death ratio” (sigh), he is learning focus, frustration tolerance and how to make alliances. Those are transferable skills ”
Yes, especially to Predator drone operation.😀
“Let your children play (war games)”
Let your children play
Let your children prey
Let your children kill
Advance a useful skill
In Robert Fulghum’s iconic book “All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” he shows that early education is the basis for knowing how to function in life. A large part of kindergarten is socialization. Students learn to work with others and take turns. Maybe some of our problems in government are due to some members of Congress never having gone to kindergarten? Kindergarten is preparation for life.
All I Really Need To Know I Learned on Fortnite”
Fortnite ready in Kindergarten
Call of Duty in first
Predator ready in second grade
A game that’s well rehearsed
Boredom as a motivator is way underestimated. Just ask the Cistercians, who take a vow of silence and desire nothing more than to be assigned to a hermitage, that they might come to know their God.
When I was a boy, I was obliged to spend long hours riding a tractor or milking cows alone. In some jobs, there is no one there but you and your thoughts. Terrifying to some.
We used to have a minister who was a college tennis star. She was brilliant, and could craft a provocative sermon better than anyone I ever saw. She told the story that she was sent to Outward Bound, an outdoor program you may have heard of. It combines mental and physical challenges. She breezed through the demanding physical challenges, buoyed up by the physical abilities that made her a college tennis player. Then it came to the solo, a part of the course that required you to be alone for an extended period of time. She was terrified, beaten down, almost defeated.
Our children need boredom, not just during Covid but on a regular basis. We all do. I would give a lot of money for some boredom. If I had the money, I would buy some of it.
Discovering the meaning of life
Life of the Tao
Is actually after:
Riding a cow
And milking a tractor
It’s remarkable that Einstein’s “house of cards” has remained standing for over a hundred years.😀
Einstein’s House of Cards
Is standing to this day
Cuz Nature and her guards
Are keeping it that way
Incidentally, it is very underappreciated even by many in the scientific community just how delicately ‘balanced” Einstein’s theory of general relativity is — on a knife edge.
This is what makes joining Einstein’s theory with Quantum mechanics so difficult. Nearly every proposed modification of Einstein’s theory of gravity ends up “breaking it” so that it is no longer internally consistent.
So, in a very real sense, it actually IS a house of cards.
So excellent!