From our friend Robert Shepherd, who may have watched the famous video in which David Coleman–architect of the Commin Core standards, now President of the College Board, which administers the SAT, original treasurer if Muchelle Rrhee’s StudentsFirst–uttered his immortal line about how no one “gives a &@(@” what you feel or think. This was his strong denunciation of personal expository writing. One of the best responses was written by Rebecca Wallace-Segall, a teacher of creative writing, who explained how important it is to allow and encourage young people to find and use their own voices. She wrote: “And where will we be as a nation if we graduate a generation of young people who can write an academic paper on the Civil War but have no power to convey the human experience?”
For David Coleman, in Honor of Shakespeare’s 450th Birthday
The very talented Peter Greene recently posted a humorous piece comparing Rheeformish language to a poop sandwich–nastiness wrapped in glowing phrases (e.g., “higher standards”). I generally love Peter’s writing, but I’ve never been fond of scatological humor. I’m not sure why I have this distaste (other than for the obvious reasons), since I consider swearing one of the most useful and engaging of the many boons conferred upon us by speech.
I once read, in “The American Scholar,” I think, or perhaps it was in “Verbatim,” a tragic report on the paucity of dedicated swear words in classical Latin. The Romans were always envious of the subtlety of the Greek tongue, of its rich resources for philosophical and literary purposes, but the Greeks were even less well endowed with profanities than the Romans were. The poor Romans had to result to graffiti, which they did with wild and glorious abandon, while the Greeks stuck to salacious decoration of vases.
I have a nice little collection of books on cursing in various languages. French, Spanish, German, Italian–the modern European languages, generally–are rich mines of lively expressions. But our language, which has been so promiscuous through the centuries, has to be the finest for cursing that we apes have yet developed. We English speakers are blessed with borrowed riches, there, that speakers of other tongues can only dream of.
So, when I watch a David Coleman video, there’s a lot for me to say, and a lot of choice language to say it with.
Those of you who are English teachers will be familiar with the Homeric catalog. It’s a literary technique that is basically a list. The simple list isn’t much to write home about, you might think, but this humble trope can be extraordinarily effective. Consider the following trove of treasures. What are these all names of? (Take a guess. Don’t cheat. The answer is below.)
Green Darner
Roseate Skimmer
Great Pondhawk
Ringed Cascader
Comet Darner
Banded Pennant
Orange Emperor
Banded Groundling
Black Percher
Little Scarlet
Tau Emerald
Southern Yellowjack
Vagrant Darter
Beautiful Demoiselle
Large Red
Mercury Bluet
Eastern Spectre
Somber Goldenring
Back to my dreams of properly cursing Coleman and the Core, of dumping the full Homeric catalog of English invective on them.
I have wanted to do so on Diane Ravitch’s blog, but Diane doesn’t allow such language in her living room, and I respect that. So I am sending this post, re Coleman and the Core, thinking that perhaps Diane won’t mind a little Shakespeare. (After all, it’s almost Shakespeare’s birthday. His 450th. Happy birthday, Willie!)
Let’s begin with some adjectives:
Artless, beslubbering, bootless, churlish, craven, dissembling, errant, fawning, forward, gleeking, impertinent, loggerheaded, mammering, merkin-faced, mewling, qualling, rank, reeky, rougish, pleeny, scurvie, venomed, villainous, warped and weedy,
And then add some compound participles:
beef-witted, boil-brained, dismal-dreaming, earth-vexing, fen-sucked, folly-fallen, idle-headed, rude-growing, spur-galled, . . .
And round it all off with a noun (pick any one that you please):
Bum-baily
Canker-blossom
Clotpole
Coxcomb
Codpiece
Dewberry
Flap-dragon
Foot-licker
Hugger-mugger
Lout
Mammet
Minnow
Miscreant
Moldwarp
Nut-hock
Puttock
Pumpion
Skainsmate
Varlet
Or, if you want whole statements from the Bard himself:
“Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of the Nile.” (worms = snakes)
“Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.”
“You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!”
“You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!”
“Thou sycophantic, merkin-faced varlet.”
“Thou cream-faced loon!”
There. Glad I got that out of my system.
BTW. Those are names of dragonflies, above. Beautiful, aren’t they? Shakespeare loved odd names of things. Scholars have shown that he used in writing a wider vocabulary than any other author who has ever wrote in our glorious tongue. Again, happy birthday, Willie. What fools those Ed Deformers be!
Diane Ravitch's blog 
This is an exquisite birthday tribute to the Bard, but even his rich vocabulary seems not quite adequate to describe a beslubbering puttock like Coleman.
I do find myself reaching for one more column, from the absolute gutter.
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You and me both, chemtchr! Fortunately, Diane Ravitch’s refinement and good taste keeps these impulses of mine in check! LOL.
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keep, not keeps, of course; I really have to slow down when I’m responding to these posts! yikes!
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Beautiful piece! Thank you!
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I particularly like this combination:
“You mewling, fen-sucked nut-hock.”
Happy (almost) Birthday to the beloved Bard.
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Okay, here’s how to play. Search google News for David Coleman SAT, and see if Robert’s wonderful new tool enables you to comment without resorting to four letter words. I almost made it on this one.
“This sample item from “The Great Reset” demonstrates the central flaw in the Common Core version of critical thinking: drivel input drives bullshit output.
Face it, the whole rewrite of the SAT is being misdirected by low-brow fustilarian David Coleman, to serve only his beef-witted grandiosity.”
http://stateimpact.npr.org/florida/2014/04/17/meet-the-new-sat/
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I think “beef-wit” should be a noun not unlike “half-wit” and “dim-wit.”
I wonder if “twit” had an earlier form…perhaps it is a contraction of another word and “wit?”
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Or maybe a vowel shift from a to i. One might think of applying such words to Coleman, but fortunately this literary resource enables one to resist such temptations.
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beef-witted works. It’s a compound participle (an adjectival form) modifying, in chemtchr’s superb sentence, the noun grandiosity.
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a vowel shift. Heeeeee heeeeee! That’s funny!
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But unfair, of course, to the female anatomy!
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LG:
twit (v.) Look up twit at Dictionary.com
“to blame, reproach, taunt, upbraid,” 1520s, twite, shortened form of Middle English atwite, from Old English ætwitan “to blame, reproach,” from æt “at” + witan “to blame,” from Proto-Germanic *witanan (cognates: Old English wite, Old Saxon witi, Old Norse viti “punishment, torture;” Old High German wizzi “punishment,” wizan “to punish;” Dutch verwijten, Old High German firwizan, German verweisen “to reproach, reprove,” Gothic fraweitan “to avenge”), from PIE root *weid- “to see” (see vision). For sense evolution, compare Latin animadvertere, literally “to give heed to, observe,” later “to chastise, censure, punish.” Related: Twitted; twitting. As a noun meaning “a taunt” from 1520s.
The connection of “witan” to torture derives from the fact that the Anglo-Saxon witan, aka Witenagemot, was a council of elders who, among other things, passed judgment.
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Gee whiz… it is a lovely day… get outside and leave the ‘scatalogical’ references to Carlin’s ghost.
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Ah, Susan, I am chained to my computer, working, when I am not contributing to Diane’s blog and, thereby, I hope, serving, in my small way, as toolmaker to those resisting the abuse of children by Education Deformers.
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Brilliant! Thanks for “tickling” the Coleman “catastrophes” of CCSS and SAT in this fitting tribute to “the cream-faced loon” of education deform.
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From Brown University news:
“SAT to introduce new sections, remove penalties
College Board reevaluates classic test to counteract increasing popularity of ACT rival”
http://www.browndailyherald.com/2014/04/18/sat-introduce-new-sections-remove-penalties/
Okay, crank up the Bardicator.
“With a beslubbering puttock like David Coleman in control, the SAT is destined for total irrelevance.”
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Speaking of the scatological, he needs to call it the SCCAT. The Scholastic Common Core Achievement Test.
I wonder if I could get a royalty on the name?
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Hee, hee.
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“Is Shakespeare Dead…” What a glorious contribution to language, from a man who just might have been a pseudonym.
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I don’t for a moment believe that, Michael. Three reasons: If one turns from Shakespeare to any other dramatist of the day–Dekker, Kyd, Jonson, even Marlowe–the language goes completely dead and the particular style is missing; the habits of thought are missing as well; and only someone who came up from the middle-classes would have this intimate familiarity with people of all classes and this concern–this central theme in all the work–regarding hierarchies and movement up and down them.
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Exactly…HABITS OF MIND are ingrained and cannot be imitated.
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One can immediately spot a place where someone has inserted a speech. The language and style go dead; it’s not Shakespeare. These plays were the work of one man. They reflect a life story. And that story is of someone who came up from the middle classes, had dealings with folks at all social levels, and was a professional in the theater.
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And someone who walked the particular paths from his father’s house to his school. I read a study once of flower names in Shakespeare. All from those immediate environs. Very interesting.
And that’s one of the obvious stylistic characteristics of Shakespeare. He had a fascination for the PRECISE names of things–the more commonplace and particular to a social milieu, the better–what an ear for argot the man had! And, of course, there was his breathtaking fecundity of metaphor. He would pile them, one atop the other, in a great catalog. He loved constructing crescendos of individual words, phrases, and clauses in a series, and often these were the concrete expressions of members of a tribe (e.g., household servants, barkeeps, carriers–the Elizabethan equivalent of truck drivers) or metaphors, each more fanciful than the previous one.
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Bob,
How wonderful.
I have participated in theater since I was very young. And prior to NCLB taught theatre to HS students ( in addition to teaching biology).
It was such fun to see the students go from groan to grin while working an a Shakespeare scene.
But I must say, I don’t believe I have ever read or heard a more beautiful lesson/ discussion on the Bard.
You really should loan yourself out to your local theater next time they dare to produce Shakespeare. What an elegant dramaturg you would be!
Thank you.
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Mark Twain wrote Is Shakespeare Dead, I think as a tongue-in-cheek jibe at academic certainties. The question has come up again recently, and the same evidence and arguments, Stratford’s Shakespeare vs. Marlowe, Bacon, the Earl of Oxford, etc.
In the absence of overwhelming physical evidence, why shouldn’t Shakespeare’s existence be a matter of faith. I am quite comfortable with that, especially at Easter.
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I don’t know this piece, Michael. Looking it up now.
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LOL. Funny! I don’t know how I lived so long without encountering this piece, Michael. Thanks for mentioning it. I have started reading it. Very funny piece.
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Bob, I just got a RILKO update in my e-mail. Thought you might like their stuff, very esoteric: http://www.rilko.net/EZ/rilko/rilko/page10.php?PHPSESSID=28srdcu6rm5oscdf5qs2c4kdq1
this link should go to John Michell’s (The View Over Atlantis) discussion of Shakespeare, follows on Twain, etc.
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Michael, I am getting an error message for that web address.
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I was afraid that might happen. I got an error on a link from Diane’s website this morning. There’s also an issue with WordPress, some of the blogs I follow don’t come up in Reader. Is that happening with you?
Try a search for RILKO if you’re interested. There’s some seriously esoteric reading there. The article on the Cathars, for instance.
On Shakespeare, btw, have you ever looked into the status of First Folios? They are rare and valuable.
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Thanks for the heads up, Michael! I have a long-standing fascination with the Cathars and with the various heretical groups from the 2nd century on. Do you know Ehrman’s Lost Christianities, Jonas’s The Gnostic Religion, and Cohn’s Europe’s Inner Demons and The Pursuit of the Millennium? Great stuff. All I know of those folios is comparison of texts, which I have done for several editions of the plays that I edited. But the manuscripts themselves I know nothing of. I will check out the RILKO. Thanks!
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OMG, Michael. How did I not know of this site!!! Thank you? Do you know sacredtexts.org? One of my first stops, most days, on the web. An amazing collection of thousands of sacred texts from around the globe and throughout history.
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Michael, thank you again. What a treasure!
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Bob, Glad you liked it. We seem to have a surprising synchronicity of interests.
I came across a book, Sacred Landscapes, at the library a few years ago. The bibliography led me to an entire summer’s worth of reading.
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You are a bright ray of light in my day. No wonder Shulamith spends so much time writing to you in her new-found voice as a writer. I will send her this post.
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The last line of the post, above, contains a typo, of course. I meant written, not wrote, of course. I often type too quickly.
BTW, there’s a famous and deeply moving poem by Thomas Gray that appear in a lot of literature anthologies as “Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard.” The title that Gray gave the poem was actually “Elegy Wrote in a Country Churchyard.” That’s a better title for that poem, and the centuries of editorial “correction” of the title have been misguided, errant, beef-witted. There’s a lot of that folly-fallen editing, alas, of classic texts.
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yikes. yet again. cx: that appears, not that appear.
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OK. I can’t resist. In the great, glorious, endlessly fertile world that is Shakespeare, there are innumerable wonders. But I want to share this one passage, which recurs and resounds in my imagination like one of the great musical themes. How often I have recourse to its beauty and wisdom! Thank you, Willie, my old, old friend and good mate, for these lines. There may be other verses in the English language equal to this, but there are none better:
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp’d tow’rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
–Prospero, The Tempest, Act IV, scene i
This may well have been Shakespeare’s “farewell to the theater” on retirement (though he came back and wrote another play).
Prospero = Shakespeare.
Magicians, both. No doubt about it.
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I saw farewell to the theatre, but it is, of course, much, much more than that. Much, much more.
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I think that the perfection of the prosody of those lines has never, ever been equaled. Each word, each cadence, is perfect. Say it aloud. It forces you to say what it means. It’s that well written. This is how a master writes.
To have such skill and also to have something of such value to say–wow. I am awed and humbled before this.
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My 9 year old granddaughter played Prospera, in the theater arts program her mother developed for the home-schooled students in Austin Texas. That was before ImrovED was online.
You should check it out… this is what parents are forced to do when schools fail… luckily Andee Kinzy (married to my son MIchael Schwartz CEO of Gluu) is a talented actress/filmmaker. My grandkids have been acting in her productions since they were very young, and since they are speaking the language of that time, they have working vocabularies that would astound high school teachers. My 8 year old grandson, Brant, is only in his third play, but his vocabulary is enormous, and the language constructions he uses with such ease will never be matched by test-prep driven classrooms.
Take a look: here is the WordPress site… and understand this is improvisational theater. BTW Grandaughter Zia was Hamleta, which was filmed., and has parts in all the productions/
As for Brant, he has small parts, but his blue eyes are his marker, and his squeaky voice.
http://improvedshakespeare.wordpress.com
facebook
https://www.facebook.com/ImprovEdShakespeare
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There’s an important lesson to be learned there, Susan.
In the nineteenth century, recitation was a common pedagogical practice. Kids memorized speeches and poems to be recited aloud.
Unfortunately, this has fallen out of favor. That’s a great pity, for we now know WHY it works. It harnesses the extraordinary innate power of the language-learning machinery of the mind, creating functional systems for interpreting other language containing the syntactic, semantic, and morphological structures used in the memorized language. It literally creates pathways in the plastic brain.
It’s an extraordinarily fertile technique and should be used with children from the earliest ages. Recitation, plays, skits, reader’s theatre, dramatic interpretation–all should play essential roles in our instruction.
Poetry should be taught as a performance art. The earliest “literature” (orature) was poetry, and was so in every culture. Why? Literature originated in and draws its power from performance–people around a campfire, relating tales. It’s song. It’s drama. Its public storytelling. AT ITS HEART.
Kid should also be banging out rhythms while chanting–learning to FEEL the rhythms and other prosodic elements of the language.
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And oh, how far, far we move away, when doing such activity, from the technocratic Philistinism of the Common Core and its associated standardized testing!!!!
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The site, Susan, is awesome!!!!
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Really, that program is JUST WONDERFUL!!!!
This is what real teaching looks like.
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David Coleman is a privatizing corporate opportunist without a clue. The reason he does not give a “blank” is because he is not an educator. Educators understand the connection between academic performance and social emotional learning. In addition, given recent events in the Ukraine, I wish Coleman, Broad, and Bloomberg would stop reminding the public of their Jewish identity as they attempt to dismantle public education. They are becoming purveyors of anti-Semitism.
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In addition, there is Moskowitz, Emanual, Huffman, along with the myriad of hedgefunders who support privatization and charter schools. It appears that the privatization anti-union, and anti-teacher movement is being led by Jews. Where the hell did the folks go to temple? They are making it very uncomfortable being a Jewish teacher in a public school.
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A lot of us Jews strongly oppose the “privatization, anti-union, anti-teacher movement.” This matter has nothing to do with religion and your assumption about a religious connection just puts false ideas into people’s heads, making YOU a purveyor of anti-Semitism.
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Yes, this is a troll, Cosmic Tinker, and a particularly nasty one. It says it’s leaving now (Don’t let the doorknob hit you), but it can just sign back in again, with different screen names.
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Dixie with Moxie,
Forget the anti-Semitism. Bill Gates is not Jewish. Neither is Duncan or Obama or Jeb Bush. I am Jewish.
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However, Broad is Jewish and is behind Vegara. You also live in New York. Try being a teacher in California outside of Los Angeles. where you are the only Jewish teacher out of 200.
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So am I. We need to address what these people are actually saying, and where the big lie is buried, not sow dissension with such unnecessary commentary.
I read 2 books by Al Franken, “The Truth,” and “Lies and the Lying Liars who tell Them” — or rather I listened to the DVDs on a road-trip, as Al told the story of the perversion of the media by those who saw the propaganda machine that this technological machine represented. ‘They’ own it. They sell allegations. We do not need to buy into their kind of rhetoric.
One does not have to be a reader of futuristic literature, misnamed Science-fiction, to know what such an invention can do if the audience is ignorant and stressed… Our citizens are too uninformed and too busy surviving to reflect on what they are told, or to compare it to what they know to be true, what we educators cal l’prior knowledge’… but what if they have no prior knowledge. Like the animals my students observed in “Animal Farm,’ few inhabitants of the land remember history, and too many generations have passed between the time the revolutionaries posted the compact in the barn. NO one sees that the Constitution has been altered. Money wins if people have nothing to COMPARE with.
It is this kind of critical thinking skills that are missing when the Duncan’s and Broad’s spew outright lies. When we speak to the people about what is happening, we need to give them a picture of what learning looks like, not a litany of inuendos.
This is a time when mankind lives in a box; a climate controlled enclosure into which a great colorful, entertaining screen has been built.The window on the world is brought to them by Bloomberg, Gates and friends of ALEC. Never before in history has there been such a powerful tool, and the people whose wealth rivals that of nations, own it.
I don’t know how we are going to be heard above the din they create, but we are the greater fools, and have no choice but to try.
Personally, we need a movie, and some documentaries that grab the attention of the people and tell them simply: your democracy is over IF you give them the schools, too. They already own the legislature, the executive office, the military, and the supreme court.
The last shreds of democracy will go down, If we do not fight for the schools, and convince the people that it is THE TEACHER that is the tool to fix it all.
We, the teachers.the mentors, make the future happen. They know it.
WHY DO YOU IMAGINE THEY SILENCED OUR VOICES?
What must we do, besides creating visual media that projects a positive image of the teacher and reflects the true nature of the profession… a message that reaches our population of no readers and poor listeners.
Then we must:
Educate bright , creative and, caring people to grasp human cognition and behavior — by ensuring that potential teachers get a first rate college education — comparable to the ones all COMPLEX professions require… like medicine, law and engineering, then give them real practice with mentors, and let them meet the objectives. Objectives not standards or curricula… GOALS FOR ACHIEVEMENT… LEARNING.
America believes that teachers can be trained, like medics, but no one wants a medic to diagnose and treat them for serious conditions. That is the conversation we need to bring, not merely the rants about those bad guys.
Tell them Coleman cannot be the one to talk about education because teaching is about serious business of learning, and the business mentality cannot direct the practice of pedagogy, no more that it can direct the practice of medicine… oops, bad metaphor if what my cardiologist son tells me.
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I am not sure what you are trying to say, but I don’t feel my comments are “unnecessary.” Have you ever considered that we are not as tolerant and accepting as we believe? Perhaps the actions of some raise the deeply rooted prejudices held by others especially when their livelihoods and rights are at stake such as in Vergara, and as a result words and actions get ugly.
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I sincerely hope that there are very few people who are ignorant enough to think that Education Deform is a Jewish phenomenon. That’s just crazy. That’s in the “poisoning the wells” realm of crazy and a completely unacceptable slander. If you are hearing that kind of thing in your school, Doxie, I hope that you are shutting it down loudly and clearly and in no uncertain terms.
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But I’ve come to expect any sort of craziness from racists–from the lowlife, confused idiots in this country who attack Sikhs for being Muslim “turrurists,” for example, and simply do not know that
a) no Sikhs are Muslims and
b) almost no Muslims are terrorists and
c) almost all Muslims (and other people of faith) abhor violence and renounce it on principle.
I sincerely hope that there are no such people, Doxie, teaching in your schools–ones idiotic enough to think that Ed Deform is some sort of Jewish conspiracy.
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Doxie, are you sure you’re Jewish? You don’t sound Jewish.
If you’re an opponent of corporate education policies, and Jewish, it seems strange you’d view a “Jewish conspiracy” mindset as arising from Broad’s actions, or anybody else’s. That mindset does exist, but it’s fed by delusion and prejudice.
I just did a quick survey of conservative broadsides against Coleman and the Common core, and actually I didn’t come up with anything anti-semitic. They don’t seem particularly concerned with Broad, or they lump him with Pearson. The only Jewish references I can Google up are denunciations of that Common Core writing assignment that asked kids to write Nazi propaganda. I don’t think there’s any generalized upwelling of antisemitism in response to the Gates Foundation’s smattering of Jewish moldwarps and nut-hocks.
Is there’s something nasty going on locally, then, where you are? It may be a very isolated phenomenon, but could still be oppressive or even dangerous. If you feel uneasy, you should contact the Anti-Defamation League. They will always listen.
http://www.adl.org/
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Yea, I am Jewish, I take exception to your inquiry. Yes, there are variety of nasty things going on locally, such as: The dissemination of inaccurate information about the holocaust embedded in lessons, a variety of anti-Semitic comments about “Jews busting unions.” I have contacted the anti-defamation league as well as the Museusm of Tolerance to provide correct information to my colleagues. As far as the Anti-defamtion League goes, the could care less. They are far more concerned defending the reputation of hedge fund guys. I guess teachers don’t give generously. Finally, what does a Jew sound like in a written thread?
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Doxie, I suggest you drop the Jewish theme from this discussion. This muddies the waters. No one to my knowledge has raised the issue but you. Obama and Duncan are not Jewish. Bill Gates is not Jewish. Jeb Bush and Michelle Rhee are not Jewish. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce is not a Jewish cabal. Forget about it. Let it go. If you don’t drop it, I will delete your comments.
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Great post. While the David Colemans pose serious threat to public education, it doesn’t hurt to rebut with wit. This is a fitting tribute to The Bard’s almost 450th b-day. I look forward to creating my own insults with the lists. For now, I must return to stuffing bunny money into plastic eggs–we make the college age students in our family earn their tuition.
Robert, you’ve reminded me of why English is such a great language. Thanks.
As to the other subject raised, I don’t know anyone who blames a specific religion. I think the excessive arrogance and money are extraordinarily damaging to both our schools and democracy.
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Dear Dr. Ravitch;
Please delete my comments. I promise I will not trouble you again.
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Glad to do that, Doxie. No fomenting of racism or anti-Semitism or homophobia or anything else on this blog.
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Absolutely beautifully written!
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In shakespeare’s time one said “let’s go hear a play”
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