I can’t think of anyone better qualified to cover Campbell Brown’s GOP debate than the gifted humorists Peter Greene and EduShyster (aka Jennifer Berkshire).

EduShyster posted a post with video of teacher Penny Culliton being turned away, even though she registered and had a ticket. This reminded EduShyster of school choice in general, where the school chooses whom to admit.

Penny is a regular commenter on this blog.thanks, Penny!

Peter Greene watched the event from home. He found much to laugh at. The candidates’ talking points were self-contradictory and incoherent.

Carly Fiorina seems to know nothing about education. They are all for local control except when they are for state takeovers. They all want tough accountability but they oppose the red tape that tough accountability imposes. They are sure that the evil demon is those wicked teachers’ unions.

Here is a sample of a column that would be hilarious if it weren’t so frightening to think that one of these people could become President of the United States:

“I had no intention of watching, but it’s like netflixing a bad comedy series– you just keep sticking around a little bit longer.. But there are several things that jump out.

“God-given”

“That’s the preferred modifier for the talents and abilities of students. This not only lets candidates name-check God, but it also sidesteps any discussion about what effects poverty and environment might have on the talents and abilities that a student brings to school.

“Local control is union control

“Yeah, this is a new but already-beloved talking point. If you let people have local control, those damn unions will just buy the elections, just like they did in…well, somewhere. The problem with this talking point will be coming up with an actual example of a local school board that is run by the bought-and-paid-for tools of the teachers union.

“Cognitive dissonance

“Holy smokes but the candidates disagree with themselves. Kasich thinks local control is awesome, but the state takeover of Cleveland and Youngstown is also awesome. This is a sticking point for all three candidates, who love them some local control and decry the evils of top-down federal over-reachy policy– but you can’t privatize and get charters and choice unless you open up the market by shutting down local voters.

“Also teachers unions are terrible and awful and a barrier to great things in education, but teachers themselves are wonderful and deserve our support and good pay except for the bad ones who should be driven from the classroom. We’re really torn here.

“Expectations are important and magical, so we can get students to do better just by expecting it, but not by supporting those expectations. Just expect.”

So that’s what Republican candidates promise: High expectations! That’s free. What a platform.