Peter Greene wades into the debate about what teachers should call students who ask to be addressed by a different name.
He writes:
Names have power, so it makes sense that young humans, who are generally in search of both identity and some amount of power over their own lives, will often try to exert some control over their own names.
As a teacher, it’s not a fight worth picking. I taught so many students–soooooo many– who wanted to be called by another name. Sometimes it was perfectly understandable– a common nickname for their full name, or going by a middle name. Sometimes it was a leap– “Albert” would prefer to go by “Butch.” I had some unusual cases, like the girl who had the same name as three other students in class, so told me she’d rather go by Andrea (pronounced Ahn-dray-uh). And a few times, I had a trans student who wanted to use a different name.
Did I agree with all of them? No more than I agreed with some of my students’ questionable fashion choices. But it cost me nothing to honor these preferences, to give students that small measure of control over their own identities. It was a small thing for me, but a thing that helped make my classroom a safe, welcoming space where we could get on with the work of learning to be better at reading, writing, speaking and listening.
So I don’t get teachers like Vivian Geraghty, the middle school language arts teacher who found herself with two transgender students and a) refused to call them by their chosen names and b) asked to have them removed from their classrooms.
Geraghty is going to matter because she was told to resign, maybe, and then sued the district. Based on a U.S. District judge decision, this matter is going to trial (at least partly because there seems to be dispute about what actually happened). According to court documents, the students made their request on Day One and Geraghty knew these requests were “part of the student’s social transition” but disagreed because of her religious beliefs and “wanted those students out of her classroom.”
Geraghty cites her religious convictions as the reason she would not honor the student request, and though this is a fashionable hill for christianists to die on these days, I don’t really get it. Why is transgenderism such a heinous crime against religion and conscience that they cannot even acknowledge such people exist is beyond me.
Part of the dispute is over whether Geraghty jumped or was pushed. Her defense is from theAlliance Defending Freedom, the conservative culture panic law group that has made several trips before SCOTUS, including Dobbs. They say Geraghty could not put aside her beliefs to “affirm untruths that harm children.”
And yet she was okay with treating two actual children like this.
I do not and probably never will grasp the current argument that one cannot practice one’s faith unless one is fully free to discriminate against people of whom you disapprove, and yet that argument surfaces again and again.
But I do believe this– it is not a teacher’s job (nor, really, that of any adult) to tell a student who he or she is. We can nudge, offer encouragement and support, and create a safe place for them to try to figure it out. But the most basic part of treating a human being like a human being is to call them by the name they have for themselves. If you can’t do that and if you insist that you must have the God-given right to make your disapproval of their identities clear to them in every interaction, then you do not belong in front of a classroom.

We are the artists of ourselves. Let these students practice their art. That’s a LOT of what life is about, folks.
LikeLike
Beginning, nascent, baby artists, but artists nonetheless. This exploration of identity is a good thing if it expands one’s range of expression, experience, and compassion.
Existentialism in Five Minutes | Bob Shepherd | Bob Shepherd | Praxis (wordpress.com)
LikeLike
Getting Clear about the Difference between Sex and Gender | Bob Shepherd | Praxis (wordpress.com)
LikeLike
Is there somewhere we can go that lists all the Gods and their platforms on the “transgender issue?” I feel like the Gods really need to get together and have a TV station or something where we can see them and listen to their stances on political issues. That way we can all have the certainty we need.
LikeLike
HAAAAA! Good one, Mamie!
LikeLike
Mamie,
I think some of the gods of old were genderless. Didn’t bother them.
LikeLike
And then there was Tiresias, who had been both female and male and so was able to settle the dispute between Zeus and Hera about whether men or women enjoyed sex more.
LikeLike
Not even “of old ” Allah does not have a gender.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I also don’t get why someone would pick this fight. If a student is genuine about wanting to live as another gender, you should accept that, as a matter of common courtesy. You’re a professional and should act like one.
LikeLike
Exactly
LikeLike
No one appointed the teacher a member of the Gender Police.
LikeLike
I think this teacher is a religious/cult programmed fanatic.
LikeLike
I don’t thinks so. . . I know so!
LikeLike
So, you would affirm a girl who is clearly anorexic or bulemic as being fat because she claims to be? This gender thing is absolutely terrifying for parents because at home, it’s not just the name and pronoun issue. These teens are wanting cross sex hormones and surgeries and they know just where they can go once they turn 18. It’s a whole “religion” to them with rules and vocabulary that everyone must follow. They are little tyrants!. Living with these teens is like walking through a minefield for ALL family members involved. I’m 4-5 years into this mess and it is exhausting and stressful to navigate!
Most parents caught in this mess don’t care how their children dress or how they wear their hair. They don’t care about a simple nickname being used in lieu of their given name (Terri for Theresa is OK….but Theresa to Asher is a NO!). I’m (we are) all for gender non-conformity, I (we) just don’t need teachers/neighbors/friends to affirm a false identity based on cultish beliefs learned from social media madness. If you want to see some crazy, go to TicTok and search for transgender….and that’s only scratching the surface of this nightmare.
I guess I will get the pile on now.
LikeLike
How parents deal with this is a different issue. And I don’t think teachers should be required to affirm students’ professed gender identities. I’m just saying they should do it as a matter of courtesy, and that it is very rude and presumptuous for a teacher to get involved in an issue that is best left to the student and his or her parents.
LikeLike
I can only imagine how confusing and scary this whole issue must be for both parents and their children who are going through this at home.
LikeLike
As a teacher, I can say that I’ve never encountered a teacher like the one in this story. The teachers I know (including myself) have always tried to maintain the dignity of the student and respect parent wishes. It’s when parent and student wishes are different that a teacher can be put in an awkward position. Teachers can sometimes be in the middle not knowing what to do.
LikeLike
“These teens are wanting cross sex hormones and surgeries* and they know just where they can go once they turn 18**.”
*So what? Without parental permission they can’t do anything until they turn 18.
**Well then they can then do and do what they feel they need to do for themselves. Hell, if they’re old enough to sign up for the military and learn how to kill efficiently why not be able to do what they want with their body. Without bodily autonomy we have no rights (tell that to the Abrahamic faith based religious fundies).
LikeLike
They can GO and do. . . . (love not being able to correct simple typos in WP)
LikeLike
You certainly won’t get a pile-on from me, Lisa. I agree that this can be really frightening to parents and potentially dangerous for unformed and improperly informed kids. Have you shared my essay about sex versus gender with your child? It might help. Again, here:
https://bobshepherdonline.wordpress.com/2024/03/30/getting-clear-about-the-difference-between-sex-and-gender/
And thank you, Lisa, for sharing with us your difficult journey.
LikeLike
Hang on, Lisa. Kids can be rough.
I always tried to get kids who were wanting to change their names to understand how foreign that was for an old man. I also tried to get a feel for whether the child was in conflict with the parents.
To a child, they always accepted my genuine concern that I might spit out some name that they did not like, it being the one I learned on the roll. They seem to have empathy for my fading mind if I expressed empathy for their desire to be something else.
LikeLike
Except those of us in certain states. In Utah now, we cannot call a kid by ANY nickname without parental permission.
LikeLike
“if you insist that you must have the God-given right to make your disapproval of their identities clear to them in every interaction, then you do not belong in front of a classroom. ”
I second that.
LikeLike
speduktr: What’s the difference between that “insistence” statement and a teacher exhibiting good leadership? CBK
LikeLike
Absolutely none. A teacher’s personal religious beliefs do not belong in the classroom especially when they are used as a weapon against students who do not share their beliefs. What ever happened to separation of church and state?
LikeLike
speduktr: My thought is that the distinction can be nuanced a bit more precisely because, in a democracy, self-motivation (not being forced) even at an early age, seems to be baked in to (at least) the American spirit–for good and for bad–there come times for threading the needle, so to speak, so as not to turn that self-motivation into self-destruction.
I remember teaching a group of new K-12 teachers in a masters degree program when one of them was openly excited about being able to teach “my religion” in her classroom. That was actually why she took up teaching in the first place. Somewhere along the line she missed the idea of secularity and, as you say, the distinction between church and state.
Thankfully, the rest of the class was as appalled as I was, and I was left to hope at the end that she finally “got it.” (Not to mention that, at the time, she probably would have been fired for doing do.)
That was awhile back; but I think the idea never died and is coming to fruition now in a swoosh of cultural activity. If you don’t subscribe to ProPublica, they have an important (I think) section on school closings across the nation–scary stuff. See below for a snip. CBK
SNIP/all below): Nonprofit, investigative journalism on a mission to hold the powerful to account. Donate
The Big Story August 26, 2024
In today’s newsletter: The unequal effects of school closings, recent stories on education, the deception behind plastics recycling, why it’s so hard to find a therapist who takes insurance, and more from our newsroom.
The Unequal Effects of School Closings
As more families opt for charter and private schools or homeschooling in the wake of the pandemic, cities around the country are shuttering schools. The effects fall hardest on majority-Black schools and special-needs students. Read story
LikeLike
” the distinction can be a bit more nuanced..” ? I’m not sure what you are trying to say although I think we are in agreement. I do read Pro Publica. Handy resource.
LikeLike
speduktr: Yes–I think we do agree mostly. And I think there is a kind of contemptuous nihilism about in the land today in kids that was not apparent just 20 years ago. But when I read your original post, I thought the idea of “forcing” was more present than necessary and that it was coming within the range of authoritative overplay, especially for a teenager–perhaps for some moments of development, but not in others.
The pervasiveness of children wanting permanent sex changes, however, is relatively new? I would equate it to a parent or teacher keeping a teenager from laying down on the yellow lines of a busy highway just to play a suicidal game “ha ha” (that occurred while I was teaching), if force is needed to keep someone from permanently self-destructive behaviours, it is hardly an overplay of control.
But that’s what I meant by threading the needle. Teachers, parents, and the police live at the intersection between one’s experience and general knowledge (including specialist’s) and the particularities of each person’s/student’s life. It’s rarely if ever totally prescribed, aka: a “given.” CBK
LikeLike
“I thought the idea of “forcing” was more present than necessary and that it was coming within the range of authoritative overplay,…”
I am still confused since I can’t identify who is forcing what in my post. What’s “authoritative overplay?” Do you mean autocratic?
LikeLike
speduktr: So much for nuance. Let’s drop it? CBK
LikeLike
Our state (Tennessee) passed a law that students are to go by their legal names unless a parent gives permission for an alternate name to be used. Some parents say it is fine for a student who wishes to be called by a different name and sometimes a parent says “No, that’s not Okay.” Since, these students are still minors, the parents’ wishes prevail.
LikeLike
Children do not belong to their parents. They belong to themselves.
LikeLike
In some senses yes, in some senses no.
LikeLike
Flerp – a teacher’s job is to support her students, especially those who are vulnerable at home. The dynamic of children belonging to parents is on a continuum of women being subordinate to men. Parents really do not get to choose their child’s future; a child does that as they grow up. Certainly, parents can shape their young children, but older kids, in a myriad of ways, push back and away from parental control, in search of autonomy and then in search of independence. Anything less is unhealthy.
I remember consoling a student who said to me that she was never going to be the girly girl dressed in pink her quite religious parents hoped for. She felt they were deeply disappointed in her and it saddened her greatly. She was a talented artist, an excellent student, a kind person, but they didn’t see that.
LikeLike
You’ve described some of the aspects in which your statement was correct. But parental rights are not a bad thing and they do not necessarily rely on the subjugation of women. Say I send my kids to the local public school and I learn that a teacher has enrolled them in an extracurricular creationist group. The teacher says she asked my kids if they wanted to join and they said yes. “Let the child decide!” she says. Eff that.
LikeLike
No, I said it was on a continuum with the subjugation of women, not the same thing. Parents may also believe in beating their kids to “make them behave”.
If your kids came home and said they wanted to join an after school creationist group, I’d wager you’d have much more success at dissuading them by talking with them about why they wanted to join than by issuing an edict. When he was about 10, my son was invited to join a church group that played basketball after the proselytizing. Once was enough; he thought the price of entry was too high.
But participating in an activity is quite distinct from repressing a child’s burgeoning sense of identity.
LikeLike
This is a complicated issue and can’t be answered by equating a teacher giving a 6 year old child a lesson on Christianity because “she said ok” versus a teenager asking to use a different name. It’s not an exact science, but in the words of Justice Potter Stewart, “I know it when I see it.”
But think about it. If a male kid named William tells his teachers to call him Billy or a female kid named Elizabeth asks the teacher to call her Betsy or Bets or Betty or Lizzy, the teacher likely doesn’t check with the parents, even if the kid is 6. Those are “acceptable” regardless of whether the parent is okay. But only because the culture says so. Maybe the parent wants their kid to be called by their full name.
The same goes with nicknames like Butch, or Trea, or Peg or Daisy. I knew kids for years by one name that I assumed was their given name – that’s what they were called in school – and was surprised their legal name was completely different. I doubt very much they needed permission slips before the teacher would use the alternative name, and that was back in the 1960s.
In elementary school there was a boy who teachers and students all called “Lynn” which at that time was a popular girls’ name. After years of assuming that was just the name his parents gave him, I learned his legal name was William. No biggie. I’m sure it was a name his parents also used, but who cares?
This seems like a right wing teacher who very likely has a double standard.
But this question comes up again and again.
Should a teenager who isn’t yet 18 be allowed to receive any form of birth control without their parents’ permission? Should condoms be as strictly regulated as female birth control, to make sure it doesn’t get into any 17 year old’s hands without their parents’ permission?
At what age should teens be allowed to purchase birth control? Is 13 too young?
It’s complicated.
But for the record, trans minors still need their parents to sign off on receiving “cross sex hormones and surgeries” and surgeries are extremely rare, with hormones for trans teens far more infrequent than anti-trans folks would have you believe.
It’s true that 18 year olds can make their own medical decisions. Teens who are NOT trans can get breast implants and nose jobs and face and body tattoos and body piercings and plastic surgeries that alter their faces and bodies in other ways just because they want them.
LikeLike
Christine: Children undergo a long developmental period that spans out over several aspects of their lives, e.g., physical, psychological, intellectual, social, political, moral and spiritual–because these are the kinds of questions we all inevitably live in and ask, but too often jump too fast to answer and act on. What pops out of that situation is children’s need for good and consistent, trustful, leadership.
If that’s true, then what is needed from adults who also have developed to some degree is guidance with some sort of general principles to follow.
I have long thought that one of the problems with democracy is the freedom idea as overplayed and applied too early to children (as if they didn’t have that developmental period), and with little or no dialogue or action regarding thoughtful responsibility. When that occurs, we easily end up with a Trump-like character–an anarchic egotistical toddler who cannot think or listen to anyone, and with no interior mastery that they might have had under other circumstances.
When the reigns are transferred to children who are becoming adults who live in a democracy, that’s when the risk is the greatest, but that transfer must be a part of one’s growth–at the right time in their development.
The irony is that a family is not a democracy and should not be; but families (and teachers) are responsible for helping children learn to live in one. CBK
LikeLike
The irony is that a family is not a democracy and should not be; but families (and teachers) are responsible for helping children learn to live in one. CBK
True that
LikeLike
Catherine –
It useful to remember that the teacher is responsible to and for the student, not the parent. We aren’t employees like governesses, hired by the master of the house. It can sometimes be a difficult balancing act.
Many, if not most, parents lack training in child development and adolescent psychology that credentialed teachers have. They also lack the broad experience of dealing with literally hundreds of kids, as they only raise the ones who are their own. While each parents rightly feels their situation with their child is unique, for professionals it’s likely we’ve seen it before, and can place it on a spectrum of normal adolescent development.
In talking with my students about “freedom” I was always careful to distinguish between autonomy, which kids must have to some degree, and independence, which most high schoolers aren’t yet ready for.
Oh, and while supporting a child’s physical, psychological, intellectual, social, political, moral and spiritual development, we’ve also got curriculum to impart. I used to say that the curriculum is the vehicle to bring along the rest, but highly circumscribed dictates about classroom content may make that impossible these days. Not being able to address developmental issues via curriculum may contribute to the uptick in mental health problems for students; they may lack a safe outlet.
LikeLike
CBK stated: “Children undergo a long developmental period that spans out over several aspects of their lives, e.g., physical, psychological, intellectual, social, political, moral and spiritual.”
Perhaps those children raised in faith belief religions have “spiritual” (whatever that may mean) aspects but those aspects are not universal as the others you mention.
Spiritual is just a cover word for religious faith beliefs, especially Abrahamic ones. In other words it is made up by humans and is not a part of the quotidian experience of all without all having been brought up to faith believe that “spiritual” is real. It’s no more real than unicorns, tooth fairies, elves, Loch Nessie and Sasquatch.
LikeLike
To NYCPSP –
I’d rather my child get birth control without my permission than get pregnant without my permission.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“They say Geraghty could not put aside her beliefs to ‘affirm untruths that harm children.’”
Then he/she/it should stand up for his/her/its beliefs and do the ethical thing and get the hell out of teaching in a public school, which should accept any and all students no matter their gender, sex, race, anachronistic absurd religious faith beliefs, i.e., “affirming [supposed] untruths that harm children”-oh please save the students from hell, etc, . . . .
Gerarhty, the persecuted xtian fundie, has no constitutional right to teach in the public schools.
LikeLike
This!
LikeLike
the tragic thing about the issue is that the kid is usually quarreling with the parents over things before they come to school. Some parents will abuse children who have questions about their identity.
LikeLike
The abuse accusation is a flat out lie that these kids learn from social media. It really is the other way around because these kids act like tyrants at home….to parents, siblings and other family members. I’m in a closed parent group and not a single parent (and there are many living this nightmare!) would abuse their kid for dressing a certain way or wearing their hair a certain way. This whole identity/queer theory movement is based on regressive stereotypes on gender that have long been overcome. Don’t let these kids fool you…..they are manipulative and narcissistic and know how to play the game…..and they ALL say the same exact things and use the same exact tactics. It’s a social contagion that has a medicalization side that is horrific. Give me some good old Goth or Emo any day!
LikeLike
I have seen children verbally abused in front of me for all manner of things. I have witnessed relationships where children abused parents. Raising kids can certainly be tough.
When I grew up, certain families seemed to encourage their girls to marry in their teens. They were not abusive, but many of these teen marriages dissolved in the pressures of societal changes and personal development. These parents guided their children away from learning and toward tradition, a sort of Protestant version of Fiddler on the Roof without the Russians. While their parents were loving, their adherence to the tradition of early marriage programed their child often to experience a difficult time in life.
LikeLike
I had a kid whose parents wanted one name and identity and the child felt differently. Maybe this is the most common.
LikeLike
I teenager’s will is the wind’s will.
LikeLike
A teenager’s will is the wind’s will.
LikeLike
why am I supposed to be respectful of a religion that denigrates others?
LikeLike
Florida has a similar law. When Charles transitions to Linda, you can call that student Linda (if the parents complete the form), but you can not, you must not refer to Linda as “she.”
https://www.news-journalonline.com/story/news/state/2023/08/09/florida-schools-require-parents-permission-to-use-student-nickname/70556899007/
LikeLike
Well, as Linda wrote in his paper, . . .
LikeLike
If Floyd wants to be called Florence, I can’t see any reason not to just go with the Flo. Narrow minded and shortsighted not to. I do declare, however, forthrightly and fortissimo, that I DRAW THE LINE at one instance of identity change at school. Flo may not place atop her paper the name ChatGPT.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haaaa!!!!
LikeLike
Flo gotta be Flo. Speaking of which, there was an article in the Washington Post this weekend about how dumb using a chatbot, and for that matter using all competency based education models here in LAUSD is. Hope you and a few additional friends saw it. And as long as I’m sort of changing subjects here, have I mentioned lately that Bill Gates is not really a philanthropist? At best philanderopist. At best.
LikeLike
The peculiar thing about Gates is that he has no idea, no clue whatsoever, how much damage he has done to US K-12 education and how severe it has been and continues to be. I could explain this to him, but he listens only to sycophants, which were easy enough to come by if you are a billionaire.
LikeLike
I remembered my name for philanthropists who are not really…villainthropists.
That’s what Bill Gates is: a villainthropist to the core.
LikeLike
Duane: “Spirituality” for me is not a cover for “religion.” (Though I know many do think that way, please don’t import those biases on me.)
To put it bluntly, I refer to the broader life and death kinds of questions young people ask and need to settle out for themselves, like when someone or even a pet dies. I refer to the questions that come with being human, and so they are NATURAL, e.g., where did we (or that person or pet) come from and where are we going?
I do not mean dogmatic or absolutist answers to those questions, as I think yours are. “NO” is an answer to a prior question. (We’ve had this conversation before, Duane, but apparently you didn’t really hear anything in it. Though I have enjoyed many of your contributions here, on this, you seem to me to be as dogmatic about it as any worst-case-scenario religious right-winger.) CBK
LikeLike
“It useful to remember that the teacher is responsible to and for the student, not the parent.”
I don’t know where you taught, Christine, but I sure was responsible to the parents for what I said and did in my classroom with their children. Ask how many teachers have lost their jobs because parents didn’t agree with their teaching. Maybe that is a function of wealthier districts where parents tend to have a lot of clout, but given the school board disputes I have witnessed over the years, I just don’t understand your position. There are issues I learned to pass to other professionals, social workers, psychologists and even administrators. I am not and was not qualified to get in the middle of my students’ relationships with their families unless there was clear evidence of abuse that I was required and willingly would report. All that being said, these decisions were not necessarily so cut and dried and easy to make. You are right that the student’s welfare was always front and center in my mind. Whether I was in a position to decide that was very often not so obvious.
LikeLike
I taught in Boston, a district where most students come from high poverty homes and where the schools are generally underfunded to properly meet kids’ needs. Most of my kids were first or second generation immigrants, treading in a society where their parents had little first hand experience.
Parents were kind of scarce at school; likely because many worked multiple jobs. Also, many Latinx parents adhere to the idea that your teacher is like another parent, so there was a sort of cultural trust that is often lacking at school. I also retired before the Moms for “Liberty” and other astroturf groups showed up to stir dissension.
I certainly did not get in the middle of my students’ relationships with their families, or tell kids they were right and their parents were wrong. I was a parent myself for most of my teaching career and wouldn’t have taken kindly to outsiders inserting themselves into familial matters.
Perhaps it’s a question of student age – I taught high school for 22 years – a world apart from elementary. It was my experience that many kids needed a safe adult to run things by. I agree that where there are other qualified professionals kids should be referred to them, but often a classroom teacher is the first and safest responder.
What I’m trying to point out is, as you say, the student’s welfare must be front and center, not the parent’s comfort. Thanks for the chance to clarify.
LikeLike
Christine: Sounds like it wasn’t exactly a proving ground for “helicopter parents.” The social and economic differences are probably at work?
Also, also I have talked with teachers from some other countries and, though I haven’t taken a poll, I came under the impression that in those other cultures, teachers get much more “automatic” respect from students and their families. Just some thoughts. CBK
LikeLike
Many of our parents had trouble with bus fare, so no helicopters!
LikeLike
Christine: I can resonate with that–my mother raised four of us on her own with dressmaking skills that the State of California trained her with–but she had to take me when I was around 4 (I was the youngest) with her to the college via a friend who happened to have a car (we never had one until I was in high school). She knew nothing about school politics, not to mention the state (never voted) and worked full time where we rented a place close enough to work so she could walk. Public education was a given–no one that I knew of EVER asked about what was going on there.
If things are not passe down, how does one know they are there? CBK
LikeLike
My last teaching position was with a similar population. It was kind of nice; Latino parents and students had a respect for teachers often lacking in some of the parents in more entitled communities. I have shared a conversation I had with one of my high school classes about gay people. They asked me how I felt. My response was that when you had a friend or family member who you loved come out as gay that probably wasn’t going to make you shun them. They would still be the same person you loved. That opened up the class; one student started talking about a student they knew who was gay and who was really nice.
I wish we could have these discussions over coffee. I know from reading you and others (CBK!) that I am likely to be in agreement with you, but it is really easy to not understand exactly what someone else is saying. When I get questioned I often find that my comment that prompted the question was ambiguous when it came to their question. Not intended as criticizing you. My problem. No one else was puzzled.
LikeLike
Coffee would be great!
I certainly did not take your comment to be a criticism.
LikeLike
Peter Greene highlights the essential role of respecting students’ chosen names as a matter of identity and dignity. He argues that honoring these preferences fosters a supportive and inclusive classroom environment, whereas denying them based on personal beliefs undermines the fundamental responsibility of educators to nurture and respect their students.click here
LikeLike