The Onion: “Nothing But Tears” to Toughen Up Your Baby!

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1. Annat says:

   August 16, 2014 at 8:06 am

   Thanks for the laugh! I needed that.

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2. Duane Swacker says:

   August 16, 2014 at 8:46 am

   Or from the Onion: Third Graders Now Eating at a Ninth Grade Level*

   http://www.theonion.com/video/study-nations-thirdgraders-now-eating-at-a-ninthgr,36704/

   *Parental Advisory for language

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3. artseagal says:

   August 16, 2014 at 8:59 am

   Gosh.. and I thought Michelle Rhee “JOHNSON” had joined the Scott’s Miracle Gro board! Was I wrong? Ha ha ha …. Gotta love the ever-so-hilarious “The Onion”. I hope they keep turning an eye on “ed reform” … “The Onion” and “ed reform” are a natural fit!!!!

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4. Ken says:

   August 16, 2014 at 9:34 am

   Common Core and the environment it has created is child abuse. There can be no humor in child abuse, just like there can be no humor in rape, torture, and other forms of psychological abuse. Child Abuse is not something to trivialize with humor, silliness, or folly. It is something to address with pure anger and rage!

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   • Cosmic Tinker says:

     August 16, 2014 at 9:59 am

     Yes, it is child abuse and there is nothing funny about that, but sometimes satire is the only way to get through to people who cannot see what is happening around them.

     I have a very educated friend who works with many families and has been sharing Paul Tough’s “grit” book with everyone, from school principals to parents, because he thinks that’s the answer to raising and disciplining children today. I think the article in the Onion has a better chance of getting through to him than all of the arguments I have posed against the “character development” programs in military style charters.

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   • GE2L2R says:

     August 16, 2014 at 10:30 am

     Thank you for calling it as it is Ken, child abuse. It is an interesting paradox that as a teacher, though retired, I am a “mandated reporter” and as such, held harmless under the law for reporting suspected cases of child abuse while simultaneously acting under a gag rule by the State Department of Education (the actual states being interchangeable) and my teaching certification held hostage with respect to complaints about the testing which is causing it. Whether you describe it as crazy-making or the no-win scenario (Kobayashi Maru Scenario if you are a Trekkie . . . ) it is as you have described it – child abuse.

     More of us, especially the parents of these young, impressionable and vulnerable children, need to phrase our opposition from this framework. Perhaps then it will begin to get the media attention it appropriately deserves from school districts and their staffs, state departments of education and politicians.

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5. Cosmic Tinker says:

   August 16, 2014 at 9:47 am

   Take that, Paul Tough! And you and your reformster cronies thought you cornered the market on character development in children.

   If you’re going to grow grit in kids, you start with newborns and drop the “college and career ready” pretense, when you know the real aim is to create obedient, subservient minimum wage workers who are intensely motivated by fear and loathing and won’t rebel about their station in life, because they have no memory of a better world where someone gave a s*it about what they feel and think.

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6. Alabama teacher says:

   August 16, 2014 at 9:56 am

   Sooo not funny, but it is.

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7. michael owen says:

   August 16, 2014 at 10:21 am

   my thoughts about education reform is that until teachers strike for something more that wages and benefits we will all continue to be commonly cored. If the Onion wants to make a joke out everything why not?
   .

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8. chemtchr says:

   August 16, 2014 at 11:16 am

   Prophetic.

   The Onion saw it already, in 2008. That baby is 15 now, and will be in my classroom in a couple of days.

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9. Lloyd Lofthouse says:

   August 16, 2014 at 12:11 pm

   Next, Bill Gates and his fellow corporate education reformers will be funding legislation through their puppet elected representatives that encourages and allows parents and teachers to buy and use electric shock cattle prods on children to shut them up and make them comply starting about age two or even earlier.

   Michelle Rhee (whatever last name she uses), Arne Duncan and Campbell Brown will star in commercials where they turn torturing children into a popular pass time so kids grow up with grit. There will even be a reality TV program where the winners will be the parents who use the most creative and painful methods to instill grit in their children starting as young as age two.

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10. Blind Noise says:

    August 16, 2014 at 6:32 pm

    For those who enjoy such satirical fare, here is a post of mine from March, on tips for best preparing kids for charter school success:
    http://blindnoise.wordpress.com/2014/03/26/tips-for-future-charter-school-student-success/

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11. retiredbutmissthekids says:

    August 17, 2014 at 4:08 am

    Merryl Tisch should like this–it was reported that when told NYC students had thrown up on test days, she’d made some comment about them having to toughen up (someone out there must know her exact words). However, I am sure she would not understand this as satire. This will, after all, make babies into children who are “college & career ready!” Also–I’d read a student’s letter in the Chicago Tribune today stating that he/she is at Curie High School, & they have been given a choice to take either 2 more days of P.E. or R.O.T.C., but did not, then, have time to take an academic course–? Any faculty member from Curie H.S., Chicago, who can address this? Thank you!

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